Rampe Puns

If you feel so inclined

Snakes on an inclined plane.

There was a sign that said "no pedestrian traffic allowed" and I read it out loud when we passed, to which my dad replied "but are pedestrians a-quiet?" Needless to say, I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

Last week I was flying home from a business trip out of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm in line waiting to board and in front of me is a vulture. He's dragging a squirrel carcass behind him in one hand and a dead possum in the other. The line is moving pretty quick until the vulture gets to the ramp and winds up in an argument with the guy scanning tickets. The attendant at the gate says to the vulture, "sir, you are only permitted one piece of carrion."

What is it called if I forget to feed her?

Polly no-meal.

I'm using a new method to teach her how to read:

Polly phonics.

What do we call her when she sneaks out of the yard?

Polly gone.

My wife only laughed at the last one but my 7yo daughter thinks they're all awesome.

"Guys, we're here to talk about ramp art"

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/07/19/salad-dressing-spill-on-dvp-ramp-causes-traffic-mayo-hem.html

His response: "Sure, but where can I find a ramp that big?"

We were at the beach yesterday and I see an area that says "Emergency Ramp". However, there was no ramp in that area so I say: "I didn't see the ramp".

His reply: "But did you see the emergency?"

My girlfriend and I were at a NASA exhibit at the National Museum of the US Airforce.

The NASA exhibit had a long ramp to the top of the exhibit.

Dad with Daughter -- "Gee, can you believe they got a ramp up in space like this?"

Daughter -- sigh "Daaaad!"

If you've ever been to a hospital that has valet service, you know that they can sometimes drive like jerks.

So my dad and I were driving up the parking ramp to our parking space for an appointment (valet service is optional at this hospital), and one of the valet drivers was riding our ass the whole way. I said, "Damn, this guy in the Lincoln needs to slow down." My dad responded, "The valets here all drive like jerks." As we reached the parking spot the guy pretty much blew past. So then I chimed in with "You'd think people at a hospital would be more patient." And my dad just replied with a groan and a "gee whiz."

I work at a grocery store where we sell fresh produce, and a costumer was asking about the ramps we have on the counter, asking if they were scapes. I look him dead in the eye and reply "No, these are ramps. Though ramps are a good means of a scape (escape)."

He started laughing while his wife just groaned at our sense of humor.

I then proceeded to tell it to all of my co-workers much to their dismay.