Quoth the passive-aggressive raven,

"Never mind."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

-Quoth my teenager.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bwshep
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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The headline on the USA Today this morning
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GildedGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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As I was rowing my boat towards the shore, a small black bird stopped me from docking.

Quoth the raven, β€œNever moor.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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My wife typoed and sent the text: "I think my assistant is quoting on me."

To which I replied, "so she'll work for you nevermore?"

Wifey was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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What do you want for dinner?

Son: snickering I'm craving some updog

Dad: hi craving some updog, I'm dad. lol nice try nerd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jellyberg
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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My dad cares a lot about creative copyright, apparently

During a Skype chat, where my sister's profile photo was a beautiful landscape with flowers.

Dad: Did you find that photo somewhere online or did you take it?

Sister: I took it!

Dad: What! Who did you take it from? You know that's stealing, right?

Groans all around.

(bonus mediocre joke: my sister was mentioning how she writes to her friend who lives in Germany, but her friend never checks her email. "Of course she doesn't, she's German, not Czech," quoth Dad.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dorianfinch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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