Queue it Puns

In Kuwait

A barberqueue

It’s an LGBT Queue

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

It was a Barbie queue.

...it was a big Phở queue.

Then the owner came out giving free burgers and hotdogs to everybody there.

It was the best barber queue ever!

They must be waiting for their turn.

I phone b&q today to ask how big the queue was they said it was as big as the b

It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.

She replied "It's a mystery."

I said "Doesn't it say on the cover?"

Cue eye rolling.

It seems we have Barbie queue for lunch again.

tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.

For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:

Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.

We are now changing it to:

Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.

###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!

carry on

The largest container we have in our house is a tea pot. and I was extra thirsty so I wanted more water than usual. So I go to the freezer and load the teapot with some ice, and fill it up with water.

Fiancee: - "What are you making?"

me: - "Ice tea."

queue eye rolls from the fiancee.

It’s bar per queue

It was a barbie queue

It was a Barbie-Queue.

Not exactly a dadjoke, but she learned from the best.

So, it was last sunday and we did a family trip to the zoo with the whole family. Now our kids are 3 1/2 and 1/2 and we named them after strong animals, think "Leoni" (the Lioness) and "Falc" (the Falcon), not exactly those names, but you get the gist. We decided about our daughter's name about 4 years ago.

While we were standing at the entrance queue, my wife gently stroked our daughter's hair, lifted up our son, placing a kiss on his forehead, looked at me smiling and said:

"I have been waiting for this so long!"

"Uhm, to stand in line at the zoo?"

"No, honey, to .... take our zoo to the zoo!"

*groan*

Did you hear about the Vietnamese Restaurant that hired people to stand in a line that wraps around the building, just to seem more popular? Yeah, it's a real Pho Queue to their customers.

It's a real pho queue.

My 3 year old is starting to want to play with the computer. This morning he was trying to type out words we were sounding out and spelling.

He wanted to spell out "octopus," and when we got to the "U," he had trouble locating it. Queue the cry of "I can't find U!" To which I replied "I'm right here!" "No Dad, I can't find U." "I'm right here!"

This went on for several minutes and a significant number of sighs and eye rolls from my patient wife.

Waiting for the printer, in the copy room, to finish my job and a couple of others. Some guy walks in and asks, "What's the queue look like?"

"Well, it's a bit like an 'O,' but with a little line at the bottom."

He more or less turned around on the spot and walked out.

First and foremost, I've decided to add a rule 7. Please, for the love of God, have the slightest bit of creativity and do not put the punchline of the joke in the title. The reasoning being as follows.

Most importantly, putting the punchline in the title ruins the joke, unless it is a one liner!
*
Secondarily, this is a puns subreddit dedicated to wordplay, if you lack the creativity to restate something in a humorous way rather than regurgitating the punchline as the header, perhaps this isn't the subreddit for you...

#Secondarily,

I've made a few minor spam filter tweaks. Your post will be caught in the spam filter if:

1. Your account has less than +3 combined comment and link karma.
2. Your account is less than 7 days old.

What will happen if your post is filtered is it will automatically go into the spam queue, and I'll try to have it unfiltered in the span of a couple of minutes/hours, but sometimes I do sleep so sadly it may take longer.

My post isn't appearing! How do I fix it?

If your post is not appearing and it has not violated any of the rules, feel free to drop us a mod message and I'll get a mobile notification within 30 minutes or so of the post removal, putting it on the fast track to being restored.

I said, "oh no.... What do I have to do for it?"

queue groans from entire household

It amounts to one giant pho queue.

Our English teacher was doing the attendance:

"Bob, Rob, Vladislav...GOT TO DO WITH it?"

Queue hysterical laughter for the boys and serious head shaking from the girls.

My wife asks me to look at my 2yo's nose (she had a collision with the wall earlier today). I look hard and close. I say "it looks red...it looks...like it smells". Queue eye roll.

A coworker asks, "I'm swamped with work this week— what if I can't get around to it?"

Cutting my manager off I say, "You'll be sleeping with the phishers, see?"

[five second pause—queue collective groan]

I started growing out my beard again and asked my SO her opinion.

Me: Is my Beard starting to grow on you?

SO: No

Me: You wanna know why? Because its growing on me.

Queue face-palm by SO while out at dinner.

Dad: We're in the queue at the airport and everyone else has better luggage than us.

Me: I wouldn't worry too much about what others think.

Dad: But it's a worst case scenario.

Today me and a few friends were queueing at a canteen at our university but they'd run out of forks so everyone in the queue didn't have one. When one of the serving staff realised he apologised and went along the queue handing out forks to everyone. I promptly said "At least someone gives a fork round here".

It wasn't appreciated.

Playing a soccer game and I got kicked in the face and broke my nose. Come out to the sidelines and get it fixed. Queue dad joke in the form of: Dad: Hey son you have a Roman nose now. Me: wut? Dad: It's Roman all over your face!

(Me and co-worker discussing him moving into my apartment complex this weekend)

Me: Well are you sure you can mount a TV on it? One of the largest walls in my living room is poured in place concrete. Can't hang anything on it.

Him: Yea i checked its a stud wall. I just need to go out and get a stud finder.

Me: Just come over and borrow mine if you'd like.

Him: Actually I should probably just use [my wife], she's pretty good at finding studs.

queue: groans from myself and all surrounding co-workers

And he dropped it on the floor. Immediately I respond with: "Wow. Looks like you really have... butterfingers."

Queue groaning by all in the apartment.

We went to a restaurant, our regular diner with our regular waitress at our regular spot.

waitress:"what'll it be?"

dad:"The wednesday special please"

waitress:"Would you like buns[dinner rolls] with that?"

dad: "Whose buns?"

queue 5 minutes of laughter and an inside joke for the several years it's been since that happened.

I was at the airport waiting for my flight home the other night when over the P.A they asked everyone from flight DJ-478 to Sydney to make their way to the service desk, so myself and my fellow passengers make our way over to the desk, where the very embarrassed and obviously distressed desk worker informs us that our flight has been cancelled, and the next one isn't till the morning, she then tells us that the airport will happily put us up in the 5 star hotel around the corner, and have us dropped back at the airport at 7am the following morning. Most the people there accepted this, after the desk lady told us it was for our personal safety and that there wasn't a lot more they could do, except this one particular gentleman, who storms over to the desk, and tells the woman that he needed to be in sydney tonight, and demands a flight be made available. (It's like 9:30 by this point, surely it could wait till the morning?). After again apologizing to the man, she tells him that won't be possible, and she sends us all on our way to the shuttle bus, with our bags already on there, and off we go to the hotel. The entire bus trip this guy carried on whinging and swearing, getting angrier and angrier by the second. We get to the hotel, and he's about 30 people behind the front of the queue to check in, and he gets impatient with the time it's taking, and again, storms his way up the line, past me (I was at the front), walks over to the desk, slams his fist down and says to the woman behind the desk "I want the biggest room you have, I want it in the next 30 seconds or so help me god, you aren't gonna like what happens", the woman looked up at him and said "Sir, the airport has paid for the rooms we already have organized, if you'll take your place back in line, we'll be with you as soon as we can", the guy got really angry about being asked to move back to his spot, he threw his bag down, and yelled at the woman, "Fuck this, call me a taxi, right fucking now, I'll find somewhere else to stay", that's when i decided to step in.

I said. "Oh okay then, you're a taxi".

He took his place back in line pretty quick.

She sent me a picture of a card she had in 'Cards Against Humanity.'

It said, "Getting abducted by Peter Pan."

I told her it looks like things just didn't pan out.

Queue groans.

My apologies for this joke having a long lead up, but stay with me for a second and you'll understand. With the Ontario provincial elections having come and gone, it had reminded me of this getting dad joked by my uncle and a bit of underlying sarcasm that goes along with politics and the voting process. I was at my uncles farm and we were setting up for some target practice for my son and his buddy. My uncle says to me go into the shop there in the left front corner and grab one of those targets I have. As I execute my search for such item I see that they are old politic yard signs with paper targets stapled over top. I come out teasing my uncle that it looks like he's now supporting the green party, to which he reply's (queue dad joke).....

"Figured Id give 'em a shot"

Now let that sink in like I had too!

Damn he's good, and at age 78 Im totally impressed!

So at work we're messing with the cashier who got three parking tickets in the same spot three days in a row. Later on in the night, she drops a couple dollar bills as she's organizing the money.

Fellow Worker: "You're cracking up!" Me: "Actually, it's a symptom of Parking-sons!"

Queue collective groans and a couple chuckles from everyone around.

It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.