A list of puns related to "Promise Me This"
Now Iโm two hours late and I donโt even like Jim Carey
I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.
So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word โlegendaryโ is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, โNo, legendary means super famous milk.โ Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!
A little too proud of this one...
So Iโm on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...
With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says โJust so you all know, Iโm on the call but Iโm outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distractedโ.
I couldnโt resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against itโs poor defenseless prey, I pounce...
โIs your dog lookin at it?
Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!โ
I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and โthat was awfulโโs... It was glorious. Iโm pretty sure Iโll get another promotion for it.
EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.
For my highschool, Prom is this weekend. A group of friends asked the guy behind me in class wether or not he was going. He said no. He then said...
"I promise to go next year"
Then I turned around and said...
"Oh. You... PROM-ise to go next year?"
He said yeah then went back to work. 5 seconds later he slowly looked up at me with the "really?" Expression.
Worth it.
This older guy came in with his grandson and paid with a $100. As is policy, I had to use the marker to make sure it was real and look for the line. I asked someone to get me a marker, and the grandpa says, "I promise it's good, made it last night!"
It's nice when people have a sense of humor.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
So, my wife and I decided to move this freestanding shelf thing to our dining area. However, we have wood floors, so pretty much anything that's put there (table, chairs) has to have these felt pads on the bottom so it doesn't scratch up the floor. Even if this won't get moved around much, if at all, I felt better about putting the pads on the bottom of this shelf as well, just in case.
My wife has been bugging me to do it for a while, but you know, laziness. Finally, earlier tonight, I cut the felt sheets to size, stuck them on the shelf, and put it where it belongs. When I was done, I called my wife over. "I'm in bed!" "It'll be quick, I promise!" groan "You don't even have to come downstairs, you can see it from the hallway outside the bedroom door!"
Finally she came out, with a "this had better be good" look on her face. I pointed to the shelf, and proudly declared that "I felt up this rack!"
Worth it.
So I'm not a dad but I do have fatherly aspirations. I told this joke at a wedding for a friend of mine. All names have changed except the bride's last name- it's a big part of the joke. My buddy we'll call Bob Smith, and his bride is Jane Patton.
After the father of the bride gives his toast, and the best man does his, I grab the mike from the best man and begin. This is as verbatim as I can remember. So I intro myself and promise to keep my comment short and say,
"Bob, I just want to say you're a great friend of mine, like a brother, and one thing I love about you is you're always surprising me. Like today for instance, I didn't know you were an inventor. Lo and behold, you've got your name on a Patton!"
Chuckles, drowned out by groans. I apologize and return to my seat.
I picked up my son for the weekend and we get back to my house. I had hung up a few of his pictures on the fridge so naturally he asked about it.
Dad: Who is that on the fridge?
Son: Me!
Dad: Hmm... that's not me. That's Jason!
Son: No that's me!
Dad: I promise you that's not me. I'm pretty sure that's Jason...
This proceeds to go on for several more minutes until he groans and walks away.
Dad: 1 Me: 0
Had to sign a ton of papers. The lady that was running the closing hands me something about how I promise to put the water bill in my name and says "this is the water addendum"
I respond, "Really? looks like a paper addendum to me!"
No one laughed.
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