Pond and Pond Puns

Stagnant water.

I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...

She told me she had a bad experience with some water birds and doesn't sell them anymore. I angrily told her that a real aviary owner would sell water birds too. >!She said she and has no egrets.!<

They're party fowl

...and walks up to the librarian’s desk.

“Buk” says the chicken.

The Liberian gives him a book. The chicken returns after a few minutes later.

“Buk” says the chicken again.

The librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times. Finally, the librarian follows the chicken outside and sees the chicken standing next to a pond. The chicken is throwing the books at a frog on a lily pad.

The chicken says, “buk, buk”

The frog says, “Reddit, Reddit”

She went up to the counter and said "buk" The librarian handed her a book and she left. Five minutes later the chicken returned to the counter and said "buk buk", got 2 books and left. This went on about six or seven times before curiosity got the better of the librarian and she decided to follow the chicken outside to the park with a pond in the middle. The chicken threw the latest book to a frog sat on a Lilly pad in the middle of the pond and shouted "BUK!" The frog looked at it and said "Reddit"

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

On a bike ride, we saw some ducks on a pond.

"Daddy! What does a hungry duck eat?" "...." "A QUACKer!!!"

She hasn't stopped laughing at herself, and it's been almost an hour!

"To Infinity.... AND THE POND!"

My wife and I were visiting Bass Pro Shop today and I noticed there were some ducks in the pond outside of the building. I pointed them out to my wife who, upon noticing them bobbing up and down in the water, asked me what they were doing. Without missing a beat I replied "They're Ducking."

Some friends of mine like to rent a boat every year and go enjoy a quiet day of nice summer weather on a nice lake. One friend brought a stereo with her this year and asked everybody, "What kind of tunes does everyone want to listen to?"

I told her, "Pon-tunes!"

Groans were had by everyone else on the boat.

Edit: We were on a pontoon boat, not a pond.

So I brought a pen and a notebook and went to a pond.

He tells the farmer that he wants to speak with his animals so he can check how their life there is.

The farmer reluctantly leads the inspector to the paddocks, the inspector notices some cows and approaches asking "Hello Ms Cow, how are you finding life on this farm?" The cow replied in a ventriloquistling voice, "I love my life on the farm, I get grass all day and get put indoors at night". The farmer is amazed at the sight before him.

The inspector makes his way to the duck pond and asks the ducks, "Ducks, how is your life at this farm?" The duck, like the cows reply "I love this farm, we get grain and the big pond. We love our life here".

The inspectors continues his way through the farm with the farmer in tow eventually reaching the sheep pen. As he makes his way towards the sheep the farmer quickens his pace catching the inspectors. "I have something to tell you before you chat to the sheep, THE SHEEP LIE!

It walked up to the librarian and said "bok bok bok." The librarian gave them a book, and the chicken left. The chicken came back the next day, and once again said "bok bok bok." The librarian once again gave them a book, and the chicken left. On the third day, the chicken came back and once again said "bok bok bok." The librarian gave them a book and, curious about what it was doing with them, decided to follow it. He followed the chicken to a pond, where it gave the book to a frog. The frog took one look at it before throwing it away, and saying "Reddit."

We were digging out where the fish pond was going to be, and he went to get his sister to help because it was "fun for the HOLE family"

He was looking in a pond for fishes and found one, but the poor guy was all alone! So my fiancé said, "hey little fishy why are you by yourself?" And I said, "well, there's no school on Sundays"

He just stared at me and shook his head :)

Dad and I went fishing for the first time in a while at a nearby pond. Suddenly he starts screaming about something and I ask him what was wrong, and he replies: kelp, kelp, call the carps!

Grooooan