Plug in Puns

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️

I needed a creative outlet.

But it's too late....she sank.

Don't do that I'll dyson!

He told me he thought that with a battery-powered car it would be a good idea to have a Charger as well.

"No wonder honey, you always want to be in charge "

Of course I said a wall socket.

Coworker comes in holding an ethernet cord and asks if we have a jack in this office.

"Nope. It's just me, Andrew, and Jet."

-Dad, what are you doing?

-Listening to AC/DC.

I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet.

"Get into mAh belly"

I guess with great power comes great responsibility.

...We were walking through the lounge room with the cord still plugged in to my belt and I said to my wife, "Hey baby! Look at me! I'm a walk-man!"

It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.

They're in a car in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly, the car starts making noise and stops completely.

The electrician quickly says: it must be the spark plugs! I will take a look and change them.

The mecanician responds : no it's the transmission! I gotta jack the car and make sure the clutch is ok.

The informatician confidently asks: what if we just get out of the car and come right back in?

I just now vacuumed the whole house to discover the vacuum was not plugged in.

My 14 year old daughter got up from the table after eating a bowl of cereal, so I told her to put the milk away. Then we had this exchange:

"Before you put that back in the fridge, why don't you plug it into the iPhone charger on the counter first?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, you gotta charge up that milk. It's only at one percent!"

I say it so often now that my kids stopped eating cereal, and have pretty much cut dairy from their diets.

He was annoyed because I unplugged this really loud fan, I told him to chill out and when he plugged it back in I ask are we cool now?

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

I had my E-cigarette plugged into my computer to charge. He walks in and asked me if I was installing the latest nicotine patch

shes shockingly good looking and has a sparky personality, people tell me they wouldn't mind sticking their plug in her outlet, and no one knows her current situation, she also carries a taser with her so she's really stunning, wait? wire we talking about this again?

Chester, the defendant, stood in front of the judge's imposing bench, waiting patiently for the reason why he was there. To further muddle the moment, he stared at items unfamiliar to him, at least in that context.

Perched on and near His Honor's desk were the following: A DuraLast Ultra in one car with a long, black cord stretching to another car, several alkaline D cells plugged into a black box, and lastly, a cell phone with its cord sticking into the wall.

Finally removing Chester's questioned look was his attorney leaning into his ear to whisper, "It's official, now: You're facing battery charges."

She still refuses to plug-in the chair I bought for her last year.

Real life transcript from a text message with my daughter...

Daughter: Dad do you think you can go get me an earwax removal thing from the drugstore? My one ear is plugged and I think it's from earwax

Dad: Sure

Daughter: Thanks

Dad: Are you in pain? Can you wait a little while?

Daughter: I can wait a little bit but it's just annoying because I can only hear out of one ear

Dad: What?

Daughter: I can't hear out of one ear

Dad: Huh?

Daughter: I can a little bit but it's really muffled

Dad: Can you speak up?

Daughter stops responding. When will she learn.

My friend got a static shock, and in the span of 5 minutes I rattled off these:

• Geez, that's shocking news.

• How are you current-ly feeling?

• Don't give me that look. I'm just trying to energize you.

• Looks like I gotta amp up my jokes.

• I'm gonna hit you with a battery of jokes until you laugh.

• Don't let your sense of humor be so static.

• This isn't a crime, you can't charge me with anything.

• Wire you so upset?

• Do you want me to plug the stream of jokes?

Background: had this ipod for forever, got a new one and gave the old one to my mum, she was putting more music on it.

Mum: Why did you name your ipod the Titanic? I never got the joke.

Me: So when you plug it in, the Titanic is syncing.

So I'm just going to begin this story with myself coming home from school after a long day. My sister after doing everything around the house asked me if I could walk the dog. "Yeah sure! No problem." No problem. So I plug in my headphones and leave to take her for a walk. So I left the house and within 5 minutes my dog had sat down and refused to move until at least 10 people had passed for no real reason. She then proceeded to rear up on her hind legs and drop possibly the biggest crap pattie I had ever seen come out of this dog. Luckily for a change I have bags so no biggie, I pull one out, bend over and suddenly my music gets slightly quieter. Now, after a long day of studying and tests and whatnot I didn't really notice what had happened until I went to stand up and felt the slightest resistance in the cord, I look down only to see my earbud covered in dog crap. I had no choice but to un plug my headphones and abandon them like a wounded soldier in battle. Of corse I come home to see my dad and my sister sitting on the couch talking about their day only to see me walk in looking a bit angry. "Hey what's up with you?" My Sister asks, "Like why do you look so grumpy?" In my mood after this irritating mishap I can only grumble "I dropped my headphones in her turd" I reply, only for my dad to retort with "Hey, how about you stop listening to shitty music for a change!"

I hope you enjoyed the story of my struggle, he said this and all I could think of was posting this.

And he said "oh! I didn't know she was broken. Have you tried plugging her in?"

I told them, "It sounds like you need to invest in a mutt plug."

They just shook their head and said that I'm not right.

Buying from a food truck, so I'd made sure to get cash in case it was cash-only. However, I noticed they had a square plugged into an iPad.

"For future reference, I guess you guys take cards?"

"Yeah, and we give them back, too!"

We were getting ready to go hiking around Mt. Rainier, and were hanging out in a large tent my wife's grandparents had set up. Her younger brother tried turning on a light hanging from the ceiling of the tent, but it wasn't plugged in. My Father-in-law looked at him seriously and said "looks like you'll need to plug it in to a currant bush."

Cue groans and eye rolls from everyone. At least I was able to appreciate the beauty of a quick-witted dad joke.

So a group of guys come into the shop, in various costumes. One of them is wearing a dressing gown and holding a fork and disconnected plug socket thingy.

I asked him what he was, and he said he was a child that stuck a fork in an electrical socket. He was annoyed that nobody could guess it, so I replied:

"I know, it must've been pretty shocking for you."

My colleague sent me to stock out after that.

My wife's going out of town, and I mentioned that we should make a run to the grocery store before she leaves. In case either of us get stranded because of snow.

"I just want to make sure it snow problem."

groan

"Hey, you married me, and that snowbody's fault but yours.

Frantically grabs her overear headphones and puts them on. She hasn't yet plugged them in.

"Snow way you can't hear me!" I shout.

She scrambles for the cord plugging it in. A few minutes later she looks up.

"This is how I know you'll make a great dad."

Me: "I think I'm going to wear my electric-blue tie for the rehearsal dinner." Grandpa: "Where the hell are you gonna plug it in all night?"

Dad plugging in a vacuum at Goodwill to see if it works Dad: I think this is a pretty decent vacuum for the price, what do you think? Me: Seems pretty sucky to me.

Dad and I were at the pool sitting in chairs while my little sisters played in the pool. A woman sitting next to us lets out a loud exclamation and we look over to see that she spilled gatorade all over her phone. Shortly after, we all happened to be in the clubhouse at the same time and the woman is trying to plug in her phone. My dad says, "Why are you trying to charge it? It's already full of juice?"

This was about 10 years ago. We went on a picnic and my dad was eating baby carrots. He kept cutting three rings in his carrots and my mom kept yelling at him saying it was inappropriate. I was eating baby carrots and I just realized he was making the carrot look like a butt plug and kept winking to my mom about it.

I currently work in a deli and a coworker and I were doing some deep cleaning behind our fryers. We noticed a bit of grease build up on the electrical plugs. She unplugged them and I mentioned I wonder if grease conducts electricity. She blurted out, "It would shock me if it did."

My mom acts as a mom and dad to me, basically.

She gets migraines from smells. Like wine and room spray kind of smells. These smells are in our house every day and she was complaining about them.

Mom: "...I have smell-sensitive migraines!"

Me: "Why don't you like wear nose plugs around the house?"

Mom: "Why don't you wear your ass?"