Playing with fire in my Chemistry lab class
In our groups, we were assigned to burn certain mystery elements, and figure out which element they were based on the color of the flame. When we were done, I told my group that we had just become Fire Distinguishers.
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︎ Feb 25 2019
I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....
I told them we only accept cash.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
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︎ May 18 2021
βI was playing cards with the nativesβ
βZulus?β
βNo I usually wonβ
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︎ May 12 2021
I was fired from my job as a dentist, but Iβm okay with it.
There was no hard fillings.
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︎ May 01 2021
I hate playing soccer with my constipated friend...
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︎ May 15 2021
What's a pirates favorite toy to play with?
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︎ May 12 2021
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
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︎ Apr 22 2021
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently itβs blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.
They said it was grounds for termination.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Why should you never play Hacky Sack with Bigfoot
You'll get you sack-squashed.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Why shouldn't you play Uno with Mexicans?
They get all the green cards.
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︎ May 07 2021
Just heard a man had an accident while playing peek a boo..
He's currently in the ICU.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital with my little kids...
...but they found me in the ICU.
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︎ Mar 04 2021
I got fired from my tailoring job
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︎ May 08 2021
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I canβt think of any more other than pun-ch line
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︎ Nov 28 2020
my crush came over to play with legos
it was a good way to build a relationship
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︎ Apr 06 2021
I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
No one could figure out who set the Cathedral of Notre Dame on fire..
... But Quasimodo had a hunch.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Came up with this one myself, one day when I noticed a squeak every time I played a certain note on my tuba.
So I decided to fix it and got a tube o' grease.
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︎ May 06 2021
What rhymes with orange.
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︎ May 08 2021
There is a board game that I stopped playing years ago.
But I don't like talking about my checkered past.
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︎ May 13 2021
Why would T. Rex have a hard time playing the piano?
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︎ May 07 2021
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.
It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
Because he wanted space
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
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︎ May 17 2021
Why was the waiter fired from his job?
Because he was too impatient
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︎ May 05 2021
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
I recently finished fire fighting school
Itβs where I got my first degree
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︎ Apr 30 2021
I used to be a shepherd, but I got fired...
...for falling asleep during inventory.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
The guy at my workplace whose haircut looks like a mushroom got fired today
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︎ May 09 2021
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
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π
︎ May 13 2021
Why did the snitch chef get fired?
Because he spilled the beans
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︎ May 14 2021
Why is Dark spelled with a βKβ and not a βCβ?
Because you canβt βCβ in the dark
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︎ Apr 22 2021
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
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︎ Oct 16 2020
What toy can a blind person never play with at the park?
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︎ Apr 02 2021
A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt
The man says to the bartender β1 for me, and 1 for the roadβ
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︎ May 17 2021
A dad was injured while playing peek-a-boo with his son.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
Why donβt vampires play poker?
They are afraid of the stakes
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︎ May 02 2021
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar really badly.
And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly.
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︎ May 05 2021
Damn. Just got fired from my liquor store job. I spilled a bunch of vodka.
It was an Absolut mess.
(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)
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︎ Apr 28 2021
My dad used to hit me with cameras
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︎ Apr 30 2021
I was standing in line waiting to have my hair cut, when I noticed that no one had started a fire yet.
I thought, "This is a shit barber queue."
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︎ Apr 16 2021
The worst thing about being fired from the unemployment office
Is that you have go back the next day.
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︎ May 06 2021
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonβs train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
When my wife found me playing with my sonβs train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, whatβs on the outside?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
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