What's the difference between a sneaky alcoholic and a clumsy plastic surgeon?
One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.
What Kind Of Plastic Does A Clown Use?
What kind of bees are made of plastic?
I’m thinking about opening a plastic surgery center
I will call it “Pick Your Nose”
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces this week and I must say I’m disappointed.
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas
But there are only two of us on the production line.
So I have to make every second Count!
Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous.
I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd tonight and I just have to say I'm really disappointed
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!
Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...
They said plastic is bad for nature
That's why I used it indoors
Why can't you surprise plastic containers?
Son: "Do you want the wooden one or the plastic one?"
Dad: *Getting into row boat* "either oar"
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
I came across a list of ingredients to make plastic explosives.
I thought to myself, "Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!"
Here’s a plastic fork to keep in your car, I didn’t use it.
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
Paper based puns for a project about turning paper into plastics
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Now you mention Botox and no one raises an eyebrow.
My 6 year old gave occupations to the Planters Mixed Nuts.
Cashews are bankers.
Peanuts are urologists.
And Chestnuts are plastic surgeons.
Why did the second-rate toy plastic brick maker become obsessed?
Because he just couldn’t Lego.
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his arse
The doctor said his condition was stable
I cannot and will not ever use a plastic knife in any situation
Why don't people, who constantly step on Plastic toy brick, just
I'm glad I didn't go with my awkward girlfriend for her plastic surgery consultation...
The pink plastic birds, popular as lawn ornaments in Florida.....
are they called, "Placebo Flamingos"?
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?
I got yelled at for using plastic.
Figure out the joke yourself
Tho my friends plastic surgery went horribly wrong...
He's keeping his chins up.
/edits: rephrasing and pluralization.
So we gonna kill fish to make bioplastics, so that fish don't die eating regular plastics. Somethings fishy about this whole thing.
youtu.be/AHKaChoCDW8
A plastic bucket vs. a metal bucket . . .
I broke my fork. It went from plastic....
GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”
I heard the European Parliament wanted to ban all plastic items
I'm afraid they're grasping at straws.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts
Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?
A guy walks into a doctor office wearing nothing but underwear made of clear plastic wrap. The doctor takes one look at him and says...
"Well, I can clearly see your nuts!"
What's the name of that plastic table in the middle of the pizza called?
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
Why do we carry plastic bottles around?
I heard McDonald’s got tired of harming the environment and stopped using plastic altogether.
For them, it was the last straw.
Why can't Plastic Man lead an orchestra?
Because he's a poor conductor
I wrote a book about Nemo and his rage towards plastic. It's called…
polynomials (algebraic expressions) are not to be confused with poly gnome meals (food for plastic gnomes)
Bans on Plastic Straws is Leading to Some New Techniques
When I was in grade school, I had a plastic ruler that broke in half.
Let's just say I lost a few inches
I just wanted to leave a few dad jokes if that's okay with all dads in this subreddit....
1.bI refused to believe my dad was fired as a road worker for theft
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- Yesterday, I was fired from a keyboard factory
Apparently, I wasn't putting enough shifts.
- My friends bet me $50 that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti
You should've seen the look on their face when I drove pasta.
- The price of a slice of an apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in Bahamas
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
- "Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addicts group", a man said.
"Btw I have to say I'm very disappointed to see only a few new faces this week."
A man was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is stable now.
I threw a fake plastic turd at my wife's head while she was in the shower.
Maybe now she'll stop complaining that she's out of sham poo.
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.
"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"
The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.
"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.
Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.
A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"
The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.
Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.
He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."
She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mind me asking..." she laughs, looking over his shoulder, "what was that all about?"
He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants. "I wanted...to impress you, but...it turned out to be...a pretty cheesy...pig-cup line."
This cashier asked me dad,”paper or plastic?”
He replied,”I don’t care, I’m bisacktual”
What is plastic surgery on a hand called?
A handjob. (Sorry for my shitty grammar)
What’s inside a smoked computer?
Help! I need a plastic surgeon!
Why do they always ask if you want paper or plastic in line at the grocery store?
Because baggers cant be choosers
A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"
The cabin replied, "I only play house music."
The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan."
The backhoe said, "I just dig rock."
The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"
Five years ago plastic surgery was a sensitive topic...
... but nowadays, when someone gets Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow!
Grocery Store Cashier: Would you like that in a paper or plastic bag?
Me: Either, I'm bisacktual.
Did you hear about Canada’s new green initiative?
They’re replacing plastic water bottles with a Canada water.
Whenever we go on holiday, I never bring my plastic bag.
I always forget to packet.
Plastics are Bag for the environment.
Ok masters of reddit, continue the pun.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
I don't like having to decide between paper or plastic.
Why can't baggers be choosers?
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses inside him
The doctor described his condition as stable!
Remember when plastic surgery was taboo?
Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, then what is C for?
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Guy walks into psychiatrist office wearing nothing but plastic wrap ...
Doctor takes one look at him, and says " Clearly I see you're nuts!"
A plastic bucket vs. a metal bucket . . .
Welcome to plastic surgery AA
I see a few new faces and must say im very dissapointed
Welcome to plastic surgery addiction anonymous
I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm disappointed.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say that I'm disappointed.
Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group
I see a lot of new faces in the room
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed
Remember when plastic surgery jokes were taboo?
Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous
I'm seeing a lot of new faces here in the crowd this week and I have to say I am very disappointed.
Remember when plastic surgery was taboo?
Now when you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow...
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts group.
I see a lot of new faces here today.
A man was admitted to the hospital because he swallowed 8 plastic horses...
His condition is now stable
Remember when plastic surgery was considered taboo?
Now there's Botox and no one lifts an eyebrow
I went to a talkgroup for plastic surgery addicts.
I saw a lot of new faces there.
Remember when plastic surgery was taboo? Now you can say botox.
And nobody raises an eyebrow.
Remember when plastic surgery was taboo? Now you mention Botox,
No one even raises an eyebrow
A guy was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is stable now.
A man walks into a psychiatrist clinic wearing nothing but a plastic wrap skirt...
Doctor says: " I can clearly see you're nuts."
At the grocery store, would you like paper or plastic?
Either one... I'm bi-sacksual.
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