His plans kept going a rye
Did I tell you guys about the side-hustle plan I came up with? I’m going to do personal training for the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
My local Waffle House has a new insurance plan.
They're now covered and smothered.
What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?
A reservation reservation reservation
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
How do you plan a party in space?
You planet
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter. So proud!!
I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library
Unfortunately it was fully booked
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
I work at Johnsonville, lost a whole pallet of sausages yesterday - luckily I have a plan...
Time for the “wurst-case scenario”. Glad I brat that to your attention? Sorry, I know these jokes are played, you gotta take sausage jokes on a casing by casing basis. Ok I’ll stop now.
If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.
At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.
There are plans to turn Kodak into a pharmaceutical company
But the plans are underdeveloped
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.
She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.
Every plan A needs a good plan B
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock ‘n Rollers
It’s called the David Lee Roth.
For Easter I plan on smoking a ham.
Anyone know where I can find rolling papers big enough to fit one?
I had a plan to fry eggs for breakfast, but I dropped them
My friend showed me his plan to get and drink a frozen carbonated beverage available in fruit and soda flavors.
"Icee!" I exclaimed exuberantly.
Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but I’m not sure yet...
everything is still up in the air.
Salmon must have a good data plan...
They are always streaming
I plan to open a 24 hour Chinese restaurant.
I’m going to name it Wok Around the Clock.
In a conversation with a coworker discussing lunch plans. I exhaled through my nose.
Germany has unveiled a new, healthy meal plan for all its citizens
They call it the Guten Free Diet.
I’m thinking about throwing a space themed party, but I'm not sure how to plan it.
I have a plan to chill myself to -273.15 Celsius - My friends say I'm crazy...
...But I think I'll be 0K.
My friend showed me his plans to produce a machine that makes pennies. At first, his concept didn't plausible...
I have a plan to transplant a rabbit's cerebellum into a human skull.
It's a hare-brained scheme.
When you schedule a blowjob you plan ahead
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
In college, I had trouble making friends until I came up with a foolproof plan.
I started telling girls, “I love you,” and their first reaction was, “Let’s just be friends.”
My plan to open a restaurant on the moon failed
There was a complete lack of atmosphere.
I'm saddened to announce that due a recent warehose fire, I'm going to have to scrap my plans for a road side advertisement museum.
I really should have seen it coming. All the signs were there.
Don't Plan a Trip With Virgin Airlines
They never go all the way.
Do dandelions have a plan when they reproduce?
Nope. They're just flying by the seed of their plants.
How can a robot plan its killings
Why did the fisherman plan a trip to Alaska?
I’m following a new nutrition plan: only donuts and bagels.
I had a plan to lift a boulder up a slope.
It was working out pretty well, but then it went downhill.
The original plan was to make two Yogi Bears, but there was a screw up.
I sell a diet plan that is guaranteed to help you lose ten pounds a month
Simply set up a monthly Direct Debit for £10 to the following details...
One day, I plan to open a door manufacturing and installation company
It will be called More Door!
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
How Does NASA Plan a Party?
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Bet you don't know how to plan a SPACE party??
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