I found a hat with £9.20 in it and I thought this other guy was going to pick it up but…
He was busy juggling.
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
. She still regrets letting me name the kids.
If Thor was shrunken down with Pym Particles but Mjölnir stayed the same size, could he easily pick it up?
He could, but he’d be a “little Thor” afterwards.
At work today I bent over to pick something up and inadvertently showed some of my butt crack. My boss immediately called me out for it and despite me being a model employee he fired me on the spot.
All that company cares about is the bottom line.
True story: my 1 year old son kicked his shoe off and it fell out of the car and a friend asked why I didn't pick it up,
I told him I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Took a good like 3 seconds before they realized it. It was amazing!
Why is it hard to pick up vegan women?
They don't like cheesy lines.
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Ladies
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.
The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”
Chinese takeout: $24.95. Fuel to pick it up: $1.00. Getting home and realizing they shorted you a box:
Riceless.
Why is a bird so good at helping it’s friends pick up chicks?
He is the ultimate wingman.
I went to pick up my calculator off a table last Monday, only to drop it on the floor.
I looked at the guy next to me and said,
"Miscalculated."
We were going to pick up my wallet after I left it on the bus..
Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.
Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
What gets easier to pick up as it gets heavier?
Women
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
A woman.
