To the person who stole my antidepressants...

I hope you’re happy.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Canyouplzstop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the scale say to the person?

Weight here.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Incognitj0e
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
If a person doesn’t have to go to prison but has to see an officer every two weeks...

Do they have a probationship?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holzbalken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The only person who understands me has to be
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...

it would be a fully automatic machine pun.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an old Australian person tries to contact you but you have to return the call?

Boomer rang

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mournclaww
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A person asked a Muslim scholar of its allowed to smoke marijuana in his country?

He replied: only gays get stoned here

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office license.

I'm gonna find you. You have my word.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Who was the 1st person to win the Nobel Prize?

Same person who invented the Door Knock...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flash_Dimension
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
If a deaf person has to go to court...

is it still considered a hearing?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a drunk person staggering along a street on their way home trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement?

Stuporstitious.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SvenSvenkill3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?

I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."

"I'll find you....I have contacts."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Kinder Person Award goes to...
πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_nikhil_anil_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Person to my dad β€œHow long have you been married?”

Dad: β€œ10 of the happiest years of my life”

(They’ve been married 43 years)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?

Champagne!

πŸ‘︎ 300
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boofaka
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes when they die.

Cyan-aura.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a person with Covid like to drink?

Coughy

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arr_jay816
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a dead person do to lose weight?

He goes on a DIE-et!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person that invented the number 0

Thanks for nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 325
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a people's person..

...but people ruined it for me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to tell a joke about a dumb person who ran

But that'd just be random

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm Buzz Aldrin, second person ever to step on the moon.....

Neil before me

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture

I have a hunch, it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.

I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

πŸ‘︎ 425
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee?

The groundskeeper!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravendemyseri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.

Now he yeasts to exist.

One I came up with myself

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niiigggaaa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted.

I hope you face time soon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my wife to message the lawn person

Because we are taking our fence down.

She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?

I said: is that really an emojency?

38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shor7Fuz3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be blind but I cured it. My wife was the first person I saw

It was love at first sight.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0202
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say if you find a person trying to poison someone with celiacs disease

I’ve caught you bread handed

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaOwl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person that stole my broken bathroom scale...

... You won’t get a weigh with this!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Surabar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket.

You can hide, but you can't run.

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinkyOreo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To person who invented infinity

Thanks for everything

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisaintsaurav
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
China just found the first person to get coronavirus

His name is Ah Chu

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucburba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office key.

Im gonna find you. You have my word.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ayewussupahaha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you

You have my word

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who invented 0...

Thanks for nothing

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuietFalls
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my antidepressants-

I hope you are happy now.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chojin613
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word!

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harel2710
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person whole stole my Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wcslater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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