Where does a cardiologist grow seeds from?
I usually shave every day. But after letting go for a few weeks... I don't know, the beard is growing on me.
What kind of apples grows on trees?
How do you get nazi seeds to grow?
Well first you have to germanate them
I've been doing a bit of research on Social Geography, and this surprised me. You know what the fastest growing city in the world is?
The capital of Ireland.....
Because its Dublin everyday
I told my son that my favourite band growing up was the Rolling Stones, and he said, "Who"?
I told him that they were my second favourite.
When all the covid babies grow up,
they will be called quaranteens
What is the fastest-growing city in the world?
The capital of Ireland ----- It`s Dublin every day.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "All 5 of my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a really bad case of Parking sons disease."
My friend is terrified snakes. I asked him if he'd be less afraid of them if they evolved to grow legs.
He said no, regardless of the serpent's stances.
We grow a lot of peaches on our farm. We eat all the peaches we can. And what we can't...
I can't stop eating the fungus I find growing on the sides of trees
What's the fastest growing plant?
Birds. I scattered some bird seed on the ground; 5 minutes later birds everywhere.
What's the opposite of a croissant?
A man I knew who ran an illegal growing operation tried creating a strawberry-marijuana hybrid, but the resulting berries were waaay too sour.
I told him: "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit", then laughed like a maniac.
My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ?
A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now!
I only believe in a God 12.5% of the time
Because I’m an eighth-theist
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
How would you call a dick growing on the other side of the body?
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer...
Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
What is the capital of Poland?
I wore a kilt to my first therapy appointment today. Within seconds of sitting down to talk, the therapist told me I was mentally ill
His exact words were "I can clearly see your nuts"
Lord of the Rings (Background sets not included)
This year I’m on a crusade to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes
It’s about raisin awareness
Asking for a friend ............... A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl.
They are 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
Growing up in Mexico learning how to canoe, my dad said I reminded him of a Jedi apprentice.
I was a young paddle-Juan.
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
I was arrested for growing marijuana, but the charges didn’t stick.
Turns out the evidence was planted.
A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big bloody deal, I'm four".
If you are fearful of growing fruit trees…
Just grow a pear and get it over with.
I am thinking of moving to Switzerland, I hear the social benefits are really great.
Their cool looking flag is a really big plus, too
What's the first thing a tree says when it's spring and it's leaves grow back!
I’ve often heard that “icy” is one of the easiest words to spell.
Looking back at it now, I see why.
What is the most dangerous part of a church?
My friend decided to grow some marijuana on the fields beside his cow farm.
I told him to be careful, the steaks are high.
The 4 Horsemen of AGasCar
Ever seen a patch of cannabis growing out of pavement?
Now that's what you would call a pothole.
What is the opposite of telekinesis?
We should have been able to predict the fall of the Soviet Union a lot sooner.
There were a lot of red flags.
I wonder what country is growing the fastest?
Ireland... Everyday it is Dublin
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
Why does the capital of Ireland keep growing?
Because it keeps Dublin and Dublin in size.
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