What is black and white and red all over?
A truck carrying coins crashed suddenly in front of me and money spilled out all over the street.
Fortunately I was able to stop on a dime.
What does Dora the Explorer see over and over again when Swiper has a runny nose!
Swiper, nose-wiping.
Swiper, nose-wiping
Swiper, nose-wiping.
My wife walked across the room and tripped over my slippers so I said..
"Careful, they're slippery."
She did not laugh.
My waiter came over and asked if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I just told him he could have it, no need to fight for it.
I was taking my kids for ice cream, they started fighting over flavors and eventually got physical.
My wife said no ice cream, I took the middle road and bought them Bean Ice Cream.
My daughter was playing Fortnite in the other room when I called for her for dinner. When she didn't come I went over to her and gently nudged her with my knee knocking her off balance a little bit. When she responded, "what was that for?" I said,
"I kneed you to stop playing Fortnite. It's time for dinner"
I woke up this morning and found stir fry all over the bed
Must have been sleep working
My landlord wanted to come over and talk about my heating bill
I said sure my door's always open
Why do the sea birds petrels and albatross always fly over the oceans and never stand up on land.
Because they are pair of pelagic birds.
Jesus went golfing, St. Peter was his caddy. He had to shoot over a water hazard to make the green. "Pete, what club should I use?" "Seven iron." "What would Tiger Woods use?" "Nine iron but you should use the seven." "Jesus uses the nine iron and puts it right into the water hazard."
He starts walking on the water to find his ball, a guy from behind them says to St. Peter "Does that guy think he is Jesus Christ or something?" "No, he thinks he is Tiger Woods."
I man just bumped into me outside of the grocery store, spilling his milk, cream, and yogurt all over me… and I thought…
Did you hear about the guy who wanted to boil tea just for himself, but he tripped over the kettle in the campfire and got terrible burns?
He suffered from low, selfish steam.
Two fish are in a tank. One looks over to the other and says
I don’t know how to drive this thing.
What do you call it when a drummer messes up a song and has to do it over again.
Repercussions. Ba dum cha tssssssssh
What’s something that all countries have in common, and explains why their governing bodies should be changed over time?
Got into a spat with my neighbor over erecting a barrier between their land and ours.
Im sorry for having caused a fence.
My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is absolutely insanely high and that he’s going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.
I told him “Fine, my door is always open.”
Why didn't the math student want to just draw circles over and over again?
Because there was just no point.
A scientific study of European Common frogs over the past 20 years has found that frogs born in 2004, 2008, 2012, 2016, and 2020 jump higher and more often than their counterparts born in other years.
It has been determined that they are leapier frogs.
In the 80's and 90's, I was so addicted to rap that I would hang posters of my favorite artists all over my room. One day, I was ready hang yet another one. I marked the perfect spot on the wall, picked up a nail, and then thought to myself... stop.
The police just pulled me over, and the officer came up to my window and said “papers?
I said “scissors, I win!” and drove off.
He’s been chasing me for 45 minutes now, I think he wants a rematch.
I saw a bank cheque on the floor this morning and it was huddled over and crying.
I asked it "What's wrong?". It looked at me and said, "I'm a loan...".
I lay down perpendicular to a hill and let gravity take over.
A cop pulled me over and yelled at me, "Didn't you see the stop sign, the speed limit sign, or the school zone sign?"
"Oh yes," I said. "I saw them. But unfortunately I can't read sign language."
Got pulled over today and the cop asked if I know why he pulled me over.....
I replied "is it because you want to see how tall I am?"
He said "step out of the car sir"
See, I knew it.......
Cop pulls a man over and says "Sir your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking tonight?"
The man replies "Officer, your eyes are looking a little glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"
What's black and white and red all over?
Two nuns in a knife fight.
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees up to my head and rock back and forth til I fall over
Because that's how I roll
When I was younger, I learned how to leap from a tall building, to scale the side of a cliff, and to drive a car over a canyon. I thought it was awesome at the time,
but it really stunted my growth.
It’s my wife’s birthday next week and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our house.
So I got her a magazine rack.
I was out cow tipping the other day, and I pushed over the first cow, no problem. When I went to push over the second one it went to the ground and came back up at me!
It turned its head, and said, "We bulls wobble but we don't fall down."
What do you call 5 ants renting an apartment and invited their 5 friends over
My wife leaned over while gardening and got her tits stuck in the hydrangeas.
To be fair, she had been considering getting breast in plants.
This guy knocked me to the ground and poured soy sauce all over me
I was like "come on, don't Kikkoman when he's down"
I have a winning idea for a TV drama. It's a soap opera about two teens in forbidden love from rival villages, who compete over their primary produce of different kinds of breakfast spreads: one sweet, and one savoury.
It'll be the first Nutella Novella.
Roommates Sarah and Beth invite Mary over for drinks
They are drinking wine and having a great time, when Mary spills her drink on her shirt. Mary asks Beth if she could borrow one of her tops. Beth laughs and says “you’d never fit in one of my shirts, you’re the size of a dinosaur! Try Sarah’s tops.”
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
I tripped over a drumstick and fell face first into the drum!
I think I have a bad percussion!
I woke up this morning to find the cat had brought in his latest kill. Feathers and body parts all over. I cleaned it up before my wife woke. When I told her, she asked what kind it was.
I replied "dismemBIRD."
(True story, and she still hasn't left me after all these years).
My pet bird grew his feathers out over his eyes and got his beak pierced.
He’s going through an emu phase.
What do you call Batman and Robin after the Joker ran them over with a steam roller?
what sport starts with a t, has 4 letters and is played all over the world?
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What's black and white and red all over?
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