A group of linguists discussed what the word for the time between dawn and dusk should be
After a long, difficult discussion they decided to call it a day.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Dec 07 2021
I went to the hippie bookstore to see Noam Chomsky give a lecture on linguistics. I was excited, so i showed up a bit early. When i arrived, there was already a jar of fresh herbs in line ahead of me. I guess itβs true what they say.
Thyme waits for Noam, man.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 15 2021
Anti-Linguists
What did the Proud Boy student say to his Language Arts professor?
Iβm dropping your class, Iβm anti-semantic.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
What do you call an Italian linguist?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 10 2021
Linguist researchers recently discovered what language is the world's least spoken language.
π︎ 56
π
︎ May 04 2021
What's the opposite of a croissant?
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jan 09 2022
Why is 6 afraid of 7 (this punchline is actually different)?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Dec 31 2021
Iβm sick of all NSEW jokes on here
I think itβs time to move in a new direction.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 16 2021
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Dec 16 2021
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jan 03 2022
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tilesβ¦
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 29 2021
Letβs see what your made of Mike!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 24 2021
What is the capital of Poland?
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 04 2021
I wore a kilt to my first therapy appointment today. Within seconds of sitting down to talk, the therapist told me I was mentally ill
His exact words were "I can clearly see your nuts"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 08 2022
2 guys walk into a bar with their wives and ask for 2 pints of Stella and 2 "girly" drinks
Bartender: 'So that's 4 pints of Stella?'
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 22 2021
Lord of the Rings (Background sets not included)
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 01 2022
I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.
Someone garnished my wages.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 29 2021
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time...
...putting their case together.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 30 2021
Quite a lot of money
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 18 2021
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 17 2021
Hey- itβs come to our attention that some of you who are posting here arenβt actually dads. It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
Puns the words out of me
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
What is the opposite of telekinesis?
π︎ 899
π
︎ Jan 03 2022
I got arrested by the Department of Animal Welfare for trying to acquire several crows to raise as pets.
They charged me with attempted murder.
π︎ 702
π
︎ Jan 09 2022
A couple of guys robbed an art gallery, but then their van wouldn't start...
Because they didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 15 2021
The pit ofβ¦
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 18 2021
We should have been able to predict the fall of the Soviet Union a lot sooner.
There were a lot of red flags.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 19 2021
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
π︎ 877
π
︎ Dec 27 2021
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.
I mean, he only had one Job.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 08 2021
One of the best gifts I got for Christmas this year is a whiteboard for my office.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 07 2022
I bought a belt off of Amazon from a company called Orion. I was hoping it would be the best belt I'd ever owned, but it was just so-so.
π︎ 857
π
︎ Jan 08 2022
What do you call a musical group of criminals that travels around the country but only along the outline of the country's border?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
Too many of them...
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 03 2021
If sweet dreams are made of cheeseβ¦
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 26 2021
My wife has accused me of stealing her thesaurusβ¦
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 23 2021
My 7yo came up with this gem: βWhat kind of candy does a sidewalk eat?β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Nov 17 2021
An egg and a piece of bacon walk into a bar....
...bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve breakfast here"
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 28 2021
What did Adam say to his GF on the 24th of December?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 18 2021
This has probably been posted before but I canβt find any posts of it right now
π︎ 983
π
︎ Dec 30 2021
Letβs see how many of us remember biology 101β¦
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Nov 03 2021
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
I'm sure he'll come around, eventually.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 21 2021
What do you call a piece of corn that joins the army?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 12 2021
What language do people speak in the middle of the earth?
π︎ 406
π
︎ Jan 01 2022
My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus
This accusation has made me dumbfounded, awestricken, flabbergasted, stupefied and quite frankly, bewildered
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 17 2021
I made a few batches of Synonym Rolls the other day.
They all came out looking different but they taste the same.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 03 2021
What fish is made out of two sodium atoms?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 16 2021
Who brings a linguist their Christmas presents?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
What group of people never get angry?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Nov 16 2021
TIL the swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of, except for...
...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.
π︎ 739
π
︎ Dec 31 2021
What kind of Dr. is Dr. Pepper?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Nov 24 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.