A group of linguists discussed what the word for the time between dawn and dusk should be

After a long, difficult discussion they decided to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2021
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I went to the hippie bookstore to see Noam Chomsky give a lecture on linguistics. I was excited, so i showed up a bit early. When i arrived, there was already a jar of fresh herbs in line ahead of me. I guess it’s true what they say.

Thyme waits for Noam, man.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rug__
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2021
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Anti-Linguists

What did the Proud Boy student say to his Language Arts professor?

I’m dropping your class, I’m anti-semantic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pearcepoint
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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What do you call an Italian linguist?

A linguinist!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2021
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Linguist researchers recently discovered what language is the world's least spoken language.

Sign language

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hobpobkibblebob
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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What's the opposite of a croissant?

A happy Uncle.....

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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Why is 6 afraid of 7 (this punchline is actually different)?

Actually different

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notwutiwantd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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I’m sick of all NSEW jokes on here

I think it’s time to move in a new direction.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfmangpuck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
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TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.

Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Common_Coyote_3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
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How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?

With a sighsmograph

Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massassi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles…

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YT_JRGRAND
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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Let’s see what your made of Mike!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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What is the capital of Poland?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keith2301
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2021
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I wore a kilt to my first therapy appointment today. Within seconds of sitting down to talk, the therapist told me I was mentally ill

His exact words were "I can clearly see your nuts"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piblhu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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2 guys walk into a bar with their wives and ask for 2 pints of Stella and 2 "girly" drinks

Bartender: 'So that's 4 pints of Stella?'

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meta-Fox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2021
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Lord of the Rings (Background sets not included)
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaseyMcKay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.

Someone garnished my wages.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaltsTwoCents
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time...

...putting their case together.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
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Quite a lot of money
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thryloz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2021
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2021
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Hey- it’s come to our attention that some of you who are posting here aren’t actually dads. It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad.

It's a faux pa.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatabaseSolid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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Puns the words out of me
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arrow-of-god
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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What is the opposite of telekinesis?

Telekinephews.

πŸ‘︎ 899
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obiwanknudson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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I got arrested by the Department of Animal Welfare for trying to acquire several crows to raise as pets.

They charged me with attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 702
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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A couple of guys robbed an art gallery, but then their van wouldn't start...

Because they didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SylvianMorrow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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The pit of…
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevekimes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2021
🚨︎ report
We should have been able to predict the fall of the Soviet Union a lot sooner.

There were a lot of red flags.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?

A fizzician

πŸ‘︎ 877
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justin_Herbert10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.

I mean, he only had one Job.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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One of the best gifts I got for Christmas this year is a whiteboard for my office.

It's remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdofras
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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I bought a belt off of Amazon from a company called Orion. I was hoping it would be the best belt I'd ever owned, but it was just so-so.

So, yeah. Three stars.

πŸ‘︎ 857
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j00bz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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What do you call a musical group of criminals that travels around the country but only along the outline of the country's border?

Contour

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Too many of them...
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AkaGurGor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2021
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If sweet dreams are made of cheese…

Who am I to dis-a-brie?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuangWaang
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2021
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My wife has accused me of stealing her thesaurus…

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/w0lvez__
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My 7yo came up with this gem: β€œWhat kind of candy does a sidewalk eat?”

Pave-mint

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abombregardless
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2021
🚨︎ report
An egg and a piece of bacon walk into a bar....

...bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve breakfast here"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurplePenquinWI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say to his GF on the 24th of December?

It's Christmas Eve.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berkleysquare
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2021
🚨︎ report
This has probably been posted before but I can’t find any posts of it right now
πŸ‘︎ 983
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LachieBruhLol
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
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Let’s see how many of us remember biology 101…
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevekimes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

I'm sure he'll come around, eventually.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chacham2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a piece of corn that joins the army?

Kernel

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chacham2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What language do people speak in the middle of the earth?

Core-ean

πŸ‘︎ 406
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoonicZoom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus

This accusation has made me dumbfounded, awestricken, flabbergasted, stupefied and quite frankly, bewildered

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chipsandgiac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I made a few batches of Synonym Rolls the other day.

They all came out looking different but they taste the same.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RolyPoly1320
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2021
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What fish is made out of two sodium atoms?

2 Na

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrRetr0_76
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Who brings a linguist their Christmas presents?

Subordinate clause

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawsonator85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What group of people never get angry?

Nomads

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL the swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of, except for...

...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.

πŸ‘︎ 739
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of Dr. is Dr. Pepper?

He's a Fizzician.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2021
🚨︎ report

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