What do you call the head of the catholic church covered in flowers and aromatic herbs?
My friend was released from prison on parole and as community service, he had to paint the local Catholic church confession booths a shade of green...
It was a tone mint for his crimes.
My friend told me every Catholic church can be identified by its particular smell
Who leads the aquatic Catholic Church?
The Catholic Church has banned chili from all services and gatherings...
...in response to the latest rash of Mass tootings.
Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...
...guess you could call me a serial sinner
What is the most dangerous part of a church?
At church, my son drew a picture of Joseph and Mary’s flight into Egypt. It was literally Joseph and Mary in an airplane. Giggling, I asked him, “Who is the guy in the front of the plane?”
He said, “Oh, that’s the pilot, Pontius Pilot!”
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
How do members of the Catholic Church pay each other?
They use papal transactions
What is the difference between a Protestant & a Catholic church?
A Catholic church is full of gild!
A man on a business trip went into a singles bar, approached two women, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm...and collected.
What do you call an advertisement for the Catholic Church?
An elderly couple are sitting in church and the wife says to the husband “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”…..
The husband replies “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO
Massively Multiprayer Online
Did you hear about the priest who went mad and poisoned the wine at church?
He was tried for mass murder
Anyone know women who work at the Georgia Department of Transportation?
I'm trying to see if they're known as Gal GaDOT
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
What would you call the leader of the Catholic Church if he lived in the arctic?
Why don’t catholic priest talk about molestation in the church?
What do you call an orange that is also the leader of the Catholic Church?
Did you know Mortal Kombat is based off of an old church song?
How does the head of the Catholic Church pay for goods online?
What does a Catholic priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
The balls are just decoration
What’s the difference between a snowman and snow women.
What do you call a women standing in the middle of a tennis court?
For their Halloween party the young couple decide to dress up (or down) as cave men and women, covering themselves only in leaves and twigs.
Worse than the costume idea was the frequent wardrobe malfunctions that came about throughout the evening. Luckily for everyone the couple would manage to get a hold of the situation before things slipped down too far. Though unluckily for everyone, the guy would always end this awkward real-life recurring slapstick segment with the even more awkward dad joke: "what a releaf".
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body.
Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
(X post) An artillery captain was made a saint by the Catholic Church.
One could say he was cannonized,
Women have 2 knees, right and left. Men have 3…
Right knee, left knee, and a weenie
Why do Men think more and Women talk more?
Because men were born with two heads and women were born with four lips
The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
I’ve been cleaning robes for the church singing group...
...but that’s just bleaching for the choir
-My Dad
How do the sisters feel about the latest sex scandal in the Catholic Church?
The Catholic walked into a beauty shop and asked:
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
I once saw a documentary about the different kinds of sanitary napkins women used during the middle ages
It was a real Period Piece
Im a millionaire and my church collects money on Sunday's from members. Now I'm sitting on the far left and place my bag to my right. Now the usher comes up to me with the money bag. What did I tell them?
"Sorry, but I don't have any money left."
How do you identify the Catholics at a Star Wars convention?
When you say, "May the force be with you!"
The Catholics all respond, "And with your spirit!"
An artillery captain was made a saint in the Catholic Church.
One could say he was cannonized.
An elderly couple is in a church. The wife says to the husband “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”
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