Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again 🤔
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
1 supreme liter.
He is even scared of saying it
I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"
This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)
One might say he is a master baiter.
...by tex-mexage.
She prevents ant-archy!
one of them says "look, there's a dead bird!" the other looks up into the sky "where?"
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."
The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"
He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.
"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."
The man continues to keep his cool.
"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"
He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.
"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.
The spy smirks.
"But I still think you American spy."
The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.
He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"
The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.
The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.
After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.
In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."
The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.
"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"
The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."
Police believe they are still at large.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.
The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hangin'."
"The hangin'? Who are they hangin'? Anybody I'd know?"
"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.
"Never Heard of him. Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?" the cowboy asks.
"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, a brown paper vest, and brown paper shoes."
"Well I don't reckon I know anyone like that," says the cowboy. "What're they hangin' him for?"
"Rustlin'" says the bartender.
Gwaka-wakamole.
He orders " Juan" ton soup.
A man at a party wanted to grab some punch, and he walked to the punch line.
going pee is a clear number 1.
A tall, black, skinny Americano
The dad (cleverly) says "I'll have some melted ice."
The waiter replies "Just ice is a dish best served cold."
"Well, it's in bread."
https://imgur.com/m6v7sUP
I asked him if they just sit around teaching him dad jokes at dad school.
"No they just have us fill out a form. But my form is perfect."
