Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How do you know which oneβs a prostitute?
The one with the stickers that says IDAHO π
π︎ 370
π
︎ May 16 2021
What do you call it when one German WWII soldier lies to you, then another, then two lie to you, then three tell you a lie, then five lie to you, then eight, then thirteen....
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 31 2021
Two men are going down the street, one runs into a bar..
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 05 2021
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other.....
How do you drive this thing ?
π︎ 209
π
︎ May 13 2021
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
Thatβs just unpresidented
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
As summer approaches, itβs a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But thatβs just my two scents.
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 21 2021
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says .....
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
Two horses in a field, one says to the other βIβm so hungry, I could eat a horseβ
The other replies βmoooβ
π︎ 317
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
Two cats are on a metal roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest ΞΌ
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
Two skunks were named In and Out. One day, In went missing. Even though he was deep in the forest, Out found him right away. When asked how he did it, Out replied
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 21 2021
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
π︎ 40
π
︎ May 12 2021
I got bit by a Japanese mosquito on the leg, now I got a Japanese one and two
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 18 2021
So two wind turbines are standing in a field when one asks the other βwhat kind of music do you like?β
The second replies βIβm a big metal fanβ
Courtesy of my 10 year old!
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
βI canβt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereβ
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
I have two pairs of trousers, but I prefer one of them for golfing
Because thereβs a hole in one
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
What's one word for flowers that are more that two?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 18 2021
I saw a camel with two heads and one hump!
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 12 2021
I have 2 fish named βoneβ and the other βtwoβ
That way when βoneβ dies i will still have βtwoβ
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Two giant windmills are out on a hilltop. One turns to the other and asks, "what kind of music do you like? "
The other one says, "I'm a really big metal fan."
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
There were two muffins in an oven, and one says to the other βis it just me, or is it getting hot in here?β Then the second one says-
βAAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!β
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 09 2021
My 14 year old dropped this one on me - I am so proud: two snare drums and a cymbal fall over a cliff...
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 02 2021
Two guys were arguing. One of them had only a left hand and one had only a right hand.
After a while, the left handed guy realized that the other guy was right, so he left.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 05 2021
We have an awesome tire swing at our home and my two year old started to push it, with no one on it, and I noticed he was pushing it harder and harder and I got worried it would come back and hit him
He was playing with tire.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
When I was in elementary school, I learned that "when two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking".
I think that rule is graet.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks youβ¦
"What about the udder one?"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. First one says "boy it sure is hot in here."
The other yells, "Oh my god! It's a talking muffin!"
π︎ 23
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Make two rectangles out of a diamond using one line
This was a problem on my step sons homework. No matter what, he couldn't seem to grasp it. So, I grabbed some post-it notes, turned it to a diamond and said "this is a diamond correct?" he says yes. I then turn the post-it notes a few degrees and say "this is a square correct?" And he instantly got what he had to do. I then threw out this, grade "A" knee slapper of a line "Diamonds are just crooked squares, you can't trust'em".
I think I'm gonna put on my jorts and tube socks now.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Two brokers met on the sidewalk. "How's it going?" Said the one. "I'm fine," replied the other. "Well, gotta run," said the one. "Okay," said the other, "I'll see ya later." "All right. Bye."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
π︎ 94
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].
I told her she had to choose one oar the other.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
One day, two peanuts were walking down the street.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Two bees are drinking at a bar, a couple aproaches them, one of the bees says "Get away, you scumbags!" The other says:
"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other βDang, I left my electrons in the car.β The other replies, βAre you sure?β
βYa, Iβm positive.β
π︎ 177
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called βOne Two Threeβ, the other βUn Deux Troisβ. Which cat won?
βOne Two Threeβ because βUn Deux Troisβ cat sank.
π︎ 207
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
My wife showed me two quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, βI refuse to make blanket statements.β
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Two snowmen in a field... One says to the other...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Thereβs two morons on a boat. One of the morons is larger. The larger moron falls off. Why?
The little one was a little more on.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks "Is this whiskey" ?
The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"
π︎ 216
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
So there's two fish in a tank, one says ...
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
Two wind turbines are standing in a wind farm..one turns to the other and says βwhatβs your favorite kind of music?β
He replied βIβm a big metal fan!β
π︎ 93
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
these two wind turbines were standing in the field talking. one says to the other, "what kind of music do you like?" the reply...
π︎ 17
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other
βDo you know how to drive this thing?β
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other βwhat kind of music do you like?β
The other replies βWell, Iβm a big metal fan.β
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Two wind turbines stood in a field one wind turbine asks the other wind turbine "What type of music do you like?" The other wind turbine replies..
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
