My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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My 11 year old and I were coming out of a store and someone just parked right next to our car.

She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?

Proud moment.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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What does my six year old and an old British car have in common?

They both love to stall when you need to go somewhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyitsryan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Recently, I’ve been building a car made from old washing machine parts

I’m going to take it out a spin tomorrow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Just bought a old sports car with a whale tale.

spoiler alert

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.

When is a door also a good container? When it’s ajar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/channabanana01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What happens to cars when they turn 13 years old?

They have a car-mitzvah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSp0nge05
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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I just found an old pack of gum in my car.

It’s in mint condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Judi tried to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "as long as I can sell the car."

"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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My 15 year old son asked if I’m buying him a car for his 16th birthday.

I told him:

β€œOnce you’ve earned it buy your own Accord.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obvious_santa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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True story: We we’re driving in the car today when my five year old found an umbrella and opened it...

My wife yelled at him to close it immediately, as it wasn’t safe in a moving vehicle. I told her it wasn’t a big deal since both of our vehicles have umbrella insurance.

The kids didn’t get it but it elicited a nice groan from the wife, so I’m pretty sure it counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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I was in the car with my 10 year old daughter and there was a sign that said road works ahead. She’s said road works ahead , that’s a relief. I’ve never been so proud to be a dad.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tabrjo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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I’ve got a heartfelt tale about my old car to tell, but I warn you:

It’s a bit of a Saab story

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinOfPop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.

Or worse, that it might not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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I have a dress made out of rubber from old car wheels at home...

It is my favourite attire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pussinboots421
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.

They stole the sticker and left the car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...

It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mindyourtongueboi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Giving away my old car battery.

It's free of charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjs65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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My 6 year-old got me this morning listening to "Black Widow" in the car.

Him - Why is it called "Black Widow, Baby"?

Me - Because Black Widows are notorious for killing their husbands.

Him - It should be called "Black Bear Pirate"

Me - Why?

Him - Because they say "You should've known better than to mess with me honey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapiC-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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DAD: Fifty years ago I had nothing, but I got to sleep with a hot 23 year old girl every night. Now we have a large house and a nice car, but I'm sleeping with an old woman. What happened?

MOM: Go find yourself a hot 23 year old girl and I'll make sure you'll once again have nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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A new relationship is like a old car

If there’s no spark, you’re not going anywhere

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πŸ‘€︎ u/suckmy_bong
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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What do you call an old car that’s engine exploded?

Shitty shitty bang bang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow491
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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This old guy comes into my job all the time with dad jokes & i have to pretend they are funny. "Can you name 3 cars that start with P?"

"So there is pontiac. Porsche. Packard.. You know what a Packard is, dont ya? Or is that a little before your time? How old are you? So you know what it is then, right?" So he sets up the joke incorrectly by not giving me a chance to name any. But to him, this joke is SO funny, there is no way to make it unfunny. ".. well none of them because they all start with gas." Then he turns and acts like he is about to walk out of the store, like he dropped the proverbial mic. So I feign a half smile & say "yep. Gas. Thats a good one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dazegoby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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My 8 year old son wrote this Adele dad joke in the car this morning

Him: What's Adele's favorite number?

Me: I don't know, 25?

Him: No, 0.7734

(he was playing with a calculator at the time)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/playblu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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I'm a relatively new dad. My 2 year old daughter was eating a banana in the car. From the back seat, she started to hand me sections of the banana peel when I blurted this out:

"Don't do that, you'll hurt his peelings!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_dork
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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My dad and I in the car (My 10 year old self)

Me: Hey dad what are those grid things on the side of the road for? Dad: Those are for blind people so they know they are driving off the road. Me: Oh, cool. (totally believed him) Dad: sighlently smirking the rest of the way

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paigearelli
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
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My car is so old...

I saw it in the background on Stranger Things.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impulsive-ideas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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My 16 yr old son loves muscle cars and luxury cars. He noticed a beautiful Lexus next to us at a light. I told him too bad Lexus doesn't make a muscle car.

They could call it Flexus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iJohnny0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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Wife and I picked up our 8 year old son after a school field trip to a pumpkin farm. Son takes it to the next level. Wife about leaped out of the car...

Me: What did they have at the farm?

Son: Pumpkins and gourds.

Me: Did you get to pick one out to take home?

Son: I got a gourd because it looked cool. /shows us multi colored, striped gourd

Me: Gourd for you!

Son: /slightly confused... Yes, I got this gourd.

Me: So... would you say you had a ... gourd time?

Wife: /groans

Son: Ya, I had a gourd time.

Wife: /groans again.

Wife: Really?!

Me: He gets these jokes now. He's all... gourd up now.

Wife: STOP!

Son: Oh, gourd!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shifty21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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My dad and I were talking about how big old cars are

Me: "Those old cars were pretty big, I wonder how they drove them around"

Dad: "Probably with the steering wheel"

Que my rolling eyes and his uncontrollable laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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