Honey, your son said he's thinking of burning down the neighbor's house!!
You mean, arson?
(I probably coulda worded it better, but you see where I'm going with it at least)
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︎ Feb 20 2022
βIβm concerned about you always being at the bottom of your class,β I told my son
βDonβt worry Dad,β he replied. βThey still teach the same thing at both ends.
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︎ Sep 24 2022
Get over your fear of fruit trees, son.
It's time for you to grow a pear.
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︎ Aug 28 2022
Son: Dad, according to the manual, itβs not a good idea to have the volume of your phone turned up to the maximum.
Dad: Thatβs sound advice.
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︎ Jul 14 2018
Dad: Son, your love of Korean music is tearing this family apart.
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︎ Jun 22 2021
Youβll do a lot of dumb things in your youth, son, and thatβs okay, because most of the consequences wonβt follow you into adulthood. But you know what will always come back to haunt you?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, βI donβt think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.β
He said, βOh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.β
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︎ Mar 19 2020
[OC] A elder duck hunter: βSon, if you are not meeting your quota of 100 ducks per day,
you are probably aiming too high.β
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︎ Mar 25 2019
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I had grate expectations."
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︎ Jun 16 2018
D: Son, wake up real early on your birthday. There's going to be a historic event. S. What kind of event?
D: The dawn of a new age.
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︎ Oct 27 2017
"I make the rules in this house, son. You're going to have to listen to me for the rest of your life."
"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."
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︎ Aug 28 2019
My son told me the other day "Dad, I'm sick and tired of all your lame ass stupid jokes!"
I said "Hi sick-and-tired-of-all-your-lame-ass-stupid-jokes, I'm Dad."
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︎ Sep 10 2018
Dad (to his son in the backseat, while mom is riding shotgun): "Hey, do you want to hear my impression of your mother?!?!"
Son: "What? Yes, totally!"
Dad (turns to look at mother tenderly): "I think she's a lovely and beautiful woman, a good wife to me, and a good mother to you."
Son: sigh.
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︎ May 06 2019
My son sent me a recording of a song he wrote. I gave him a suggestion to improve it but he didn't Iike it. He said it was "cheesy" So i said, "Maybe if you worked on your Kraft a little harder you might get a single."
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︎ Jun 15 2017
8 year old son: "You know, dad, I think I have your sense of humor."
Me: "Really?"
Him: "Yes. Would you like it back?"
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︎ Sep 06 2016
Son, your daddy's going to be home soon. The prison ran out of metal furniture so they assigned me to a cell with with an inflatable bed.
It's an air-rested development.
Love, Dad
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︎ Jul 30 2018
Son, your mother is a gold digger and she just loved me because of my necklace...
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︎ Jan 25 2018
I suddenly forgot what a piece of clothing was. I explained it to my son: "It's a long piece of thin fabric, it goes around your neck, usually worn with a shirt?"
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︎ Feb 07 2018
Son: Dad why do you have a picture of an elephant as your background?
Dad: Gee son, thanks for addressing the elephant in the room.
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︎ Jun 16 2017
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