Got myself a new nose ring
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/picklesandrainbows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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Nose-Ring Dare
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DededEch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2016
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my daughter wanted a nose ring...
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/netpastor
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2014
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I broke my finger today

But on the other hand im fine

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I was feeling sick.

I went to my Ear Nose and Throat doctor for sinus infections, migraines, and ringing in my ears. After a battery of tests he took me aside for my diagnosis.

"I am afraid your problems are all in your head."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kulthos_X
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Watching Return of the King with my 10 year old daughter

I'm trying to get my daughter into Lord of the Rings. I'm watching Return of the King. I thought she'd think the Eye of Sauron would be cool. We watch the scene where Aragorn cuts the head off of the Mouth of Sauron. Without missing a beat she turns to me and says:

"What's next? The nose of Sauron?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ApexAquilas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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Double dad joked at orientation

So I was at orientation for my new job yesterday. There's 2 people there from the company, and 4 of us new people.

After the orientation is done...

Guy next to me: (silences phone because it's ringing) Sorry... my dad's calling me.

Guy from company: What's he calling you? Mine normally calls me my name.

Guy next to me: That's weird! I thought your name was Mike! Nice to meet you, my name!

Both of them both start to crack. I nearly snort what's left of my kit kat up my nose because I started laughing and the other 3 people there are shaking their heads slowly at us.

Side note: both of them are dads and in their 30's. I'm 21, and not a dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quixotic_Ryan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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Facebook interaction between my cousin and one of her dad's friends

Her: >Do doctor's offices allow facial piercings on their employees? I have an interview. Should I remove my lip and nose ring?

Him: >Wow... You can take your lip off????

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hounvs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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My hands were wet

I was washing dishes and my phone rings. I pull out my phone, and I know the touch screen doesn't work well with wet fingers, so I held the phone to my face and slid my nose across the screen to answer the call. I finish the conversation and press "end call" with my nose. I look up and my dad is looking at me. I ask "impressed?" And my dad replies "well now i know my son nose how to answer the phone while washing dishes"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Philthyweldz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
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Teenage daughter asked for a nose ring...

http://i.imgur.com/He6BwQX.jpg

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/low_kix
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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