47 Hilarious No Man Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

A man in my gym just proposed and she said no.

They didn’t workout.

Edited: It changed to they.

Thanks lornstar7

👍︎ 274

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👤︎ u/justbeatitTTD

📅︎ Jan 30 2021

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A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "¡Eso sí que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

👍︎ 88

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👤︎ u/cyberentomology

📅︎ Jan 24 2021

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A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

👍︎ 22

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👤︎ u/giftfrom

📅︎ Jan 31 2021

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a ditch?

Phil.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/JEMstone85

📅︎ Mar 04 2021

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To boldly go where no man has gone before

👍︎ 42

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👤︎ u/RogueDisciple

📅︎ Dec 05 2020

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A man has no body and no nose. Who is he?

Nobody knows

👍︎ 14

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👤︎ u/PowerfulTour4204

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

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What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/s_tormbringr

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony!

👍︎ 18

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👤︎ u/MyRealWorkAccount

📅︎ Jan 07 2021

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Essentially, anytime a new toilet is christened you are "Going where no man has gone before."

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Nov 18 2020

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There was a man who a had an entirely wooden car. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden engine. Did he ride it? No.

It wooden start.

👍︎ 38

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👤︎ u/MonkeyLord_11

📅︎ Aug 21 2020

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When my girlfriend told the room that she was going to make coffee her dad said, “no, in the Bible, it says that the man always makes the coffee...”

Haven’t you read Hebrews?

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👤︎ u/Bulbasaur_King

📅︎ Oct 28 2020

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What do you call a man on a roof with no way down?

Stuck.

👍︎ 23

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👤︎ u/gogorenascence

📅︎ Aug 27 2020

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony (say it out loud slowly)

👍︎ 20

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👤︎ u/Biddy_Bear

📅︎ Aug 14 2020

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A man proposes to a girl in the gym and she says no

I guess you could say that didn't workout.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/Omega_23

📅︎ Sep 05 2020

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A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"

" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"

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👤︎ u/tjeters

📅︎ May 22 2020

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A man approached me, touched my shirt and asked “is this felt?” To which I responded “no”.

He replied “it is now”.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/yoopyeet

📅︎ Jul 18 2020

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A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.

He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/mozzatits

📅︎ Jun 16 2020

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A man just made me an offer to buy speakers with no volume controls.

I couldn't turn it down.

👍︎ 12

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle

📅︎ Jun 06 2020

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A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, “Honey, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,

“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”

👍︎ 80

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👤︎ u/Gho5ly

📅︎ Sep 13 2019

🚨︎ report

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

EDIT: Alternate Ending

👍︎ 2k

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👤︎ u/Algernon21

📅︎ Feb 28 2017

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What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?

Matt

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/KiwiAssMonkey

📅︎ Aug 02 2019

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Man found dead with no legs FIRST 48: Never stood a chance...

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/joshisgod90

📅︎ Nov 24 2019

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/big_macaroons

📅︎ Mar 06 2019

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I just read a story about a man whose shirt always comes back to him no matter what he does to it

That’s loyalty

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/lZombieChaserl

📅︎ Sep 19 2019

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I was in the gym the other day, when I saw a man get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend. Unfortunately she said no!

Well that didn't workout...

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/MartinHolroyd

📅︎ Nov 04 2019

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But no living man am I! You look upon a woman.

👍︎ 62

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👤︎ u/OVdose

📅︎ Jan 16 2019

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pool?

Bob

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/TuttsMcGee

📅︎ Sep 19 2020

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Toe-knee

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/EnchantedNightingale

📅︎ Oct 11 2020

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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose.

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/Locid

📅︎ Sep 30 2020

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the sea?

Bob

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/m4cl3nn4n

📅︎ Jul 21 2020

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

👍︎ 17

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👤︎ u/jazzysax241

📅︎ Jun 15 2020

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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/SouperDumb

📅︎ Jul 26 2020

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Toe-knee

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/gmitch91

📅︎ Apr 28 2020

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What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?

Nobody nose!!

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/yashrajt

📅︎ Apr 03 2020

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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

👍︎ 124

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👤︎ u/Olt44

📅︎ Nov 24 2019

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

👍︎ 244

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👤︎ u/Codetemplar

📅︎ Mar 06 2019

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What do you call a man with no shins

Tony

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/crusty-muhammad

📅︎ Jan 17 2020

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

👍︎ 57

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👤︎ u/Upsidedownsquidhead

📅︎ May 16 2019

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What do you call a man with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

👍︎ 33

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👤︎ u/black_suicide

📅︎ Oct 31 2019

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?

Bob

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/camarokidsss

📅︎ Aug 26 2019

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your door step?

Matt

👍︎ 28

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👤︎ u/Mully87

📅︎ Mar 22 2019

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/OpthomacePrime

📅︎ Jul 19 2019

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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

No body nose....

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/MostlyCarbon75

📅︎ Nov 08 2019

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

👍︎ 130

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👤︎ u/lucaewings27

📅︎ Jul 06 2018

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/jimmytheelf

📅︎ Nov 09 2019

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Neil

👍︎ 259

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👤︎ u/pepekeemstar

📅︎ Dec 03 2017

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What do you call a man with no shins?

Toeknee

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/Fard_Shidson

📅︎ Aug 04 2019

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