My deaf girlfriend just told me that “we need to talk”.
Cheap Phineas and Ferb pun; I know it sucks you don't need to tell me
Why couldn't Doofenshmirtz do his fractions?
Because Perry got rid of the denom-inator
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
Normal people: "I need a hug". Me:
My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldn’t add it.
I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said ‘if you need anything, I’m Jill.’
I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
Girl: I need a break, give me some space...
Boy: Okay, what's your Volume?
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, "My door is always open".
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
Can You Let Me Out? I Need Teepee
You need to stop talking to me about vegetables.
Lately my family have been telling me I need new glasses
But I really don't see the problem
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.
(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)
Can You Let Me Out? I Need Teepee
I asked a baker if he’d tell me what I need to make an Indian sourdough bread.
I need someone who can help me fix my bike
It won’t stand up on its own anymore
It’s two tired
I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.
I told my boss I need a pay rise and that 3 other companies were after me...
He said 'which ones?'
I said ' Gas, electric and water'
My wife told me we didn’t need the surround system for our living room I bought...
I told her it was a Sound Investment.
My wife tells me that I need to have opinions
Will you remember me joke. Needs 2 people to work.
"Will you remember me in a day?"
"Yes I will"
"Will you remember me in a week?"
"Yes I will"
"Will you remember me in a year?"
"Yes I will"
"Ok let me tell you a joke...knock knock..."
I took my boat in to the shop and they told me i need a new carburetor.
I replied, "wouldn't that be a boatburetor?"
My girlfriend told me she needs to urinate.
I replied - Urinate out of 8.
My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice
I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...
PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?
Is this a repost? Tell me! I need to know! Please!!
What happens when you throw butter up in the air??
Butterflies
Help me help a friend: need a good pun
Hi, a friend of mine had to organize a “theme”week for a Biology student’s association. The name of the theme has to be a biology pun. Examples are: smells like green spirit, game of thorns, sofishticated or the great catsby.
These names were all used in the past and now she needs new names. Help me out, thanks in advance.
Is it just me or is 21 pilots 19 more than they need?
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
I need me some hot shingles
I've just had 22 optometrists tell me I need to wear glasses
That's the last time I referee a Specsavers v Vision Express football match!
My doctor told me I need to eat more greens...
....so I stopped at the store on the way home and picked up some food coloring.
Me: I need a doctor's appointment
Receptionist: Ok (checks bookings)
how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: No I don't need that many
Teacher: You need to have a hook in your research paper. Me:
In a radio contest for a new fence. Need a clever caption. Help me out??
My deaf girlfriend just told me “We need to talk.”
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
My deaf girlfriend just told me “I think we need to talk.”
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
I hate when people knock on my door and tell me I need to get "saved" or else I will "burn."
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, 'My door is always open!'
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