My youngest daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis when she was 5. That’s the same time we began calling her by her middle name, Sarah.

Her first name is Eileen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverlyGeneric75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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"The crow seemed to be calling his name", thought Kaw
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him by a new name

GrandPAW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kittycaviar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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one bar owner was yelling at a recently joined bartender for coming up with new drinks and calling them weird names ...

for instance , he shakes pear

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/esma3ell
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
They really mis-named the superhero called "Ant-man"

He should really be called Uncle.

Can't really take credit, my nieces made the joke while watching the movie. Regionally "Aunt" is pronounced as "ant"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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what do you call a dozen girls named monica that produce music?

a harmonica

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrome_sus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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My English teacher has a weird last name so we should just call him Matthew

It doesn't fit him though so we've agreed to call him Englishew

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gymdodo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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My friend just called me and told me he has changed his name to Spinal Column.

I said, "I'll call you back."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
WD40 could be called "Lubrican", but the name won't stick.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gpsq
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two Vietnamese people with common names get married?

A Nguyen-Nguyen situation

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name.

Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jdabby32
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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What do you call awesome guys named Richard?

Fabrics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadLoathe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My name’s David, but my Chinese friends call me Dawei.

I guess that’s just dawei it is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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What do you call a 6 foot man named mike?

Mike.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuclearTitian87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A florist named Chris started a band with 3 of the neighborhood mums. Guess what they called the band?

Chrysanthemums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5ir_viver
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two spies named james try to become friends?

James bond

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redtiger123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call bread that doesn’t want its name out in the public

Anaanymous

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dallasboi1992YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What do you call a woman named Nancy who is carrying a child?

Preg-Nancy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call impressing a skinny man named "Terry"?

Flattery

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tarush_fx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl opened a studio called TatTat. When asked what the name meant, she replied...

It's a tat 2 studio

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, β€œTiny!" My kid laughed and asked, β€œWhat an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

I explained, β€œBecause...he’s my newt!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pansexual man named nick who works at a cd store?

Pan nick at the disc co.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/king_abdula03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a buff Italian man named Anthony?

Rig-a-toni

(Thought of this a while ago while at the gym, had a chuckle)

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Nicknames that make your name longer should be called

Nicholasnames

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chath
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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What do you call a bouncer named matt?

A doormatt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lowronie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...

That's the story of my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:

A joke, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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What do you call a man named Jason standing by an advertisement?

Adjasont

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVoltoxicAF
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of people, when most of them are named Joe?

The Majoerity

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiksMuks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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About a year ago, I had this friend named Uriah, who I called β€œU”. I gave my old motorcycle to him, because I had just bought a new one. Soon thereafter, he put it on a scale.

Last Christmas, I gave Yamaha. But the very next day, U gave it a weigh.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Pun needed

Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be β€œGive me your β€˜name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word β€œZoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeDotOu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mage named ian?

A Magician

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vuyfogifux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Hey [friends name] What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

My friend: If you say an addictionary, I’m gonna punch you in the face.

Me: I was gonna say high definition, but yours even better!

πŸ‘︎ 477
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zax317
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Vincent

So my brothers name is Vincent, 18 years now, and a few years ago he came up to me very excited and said: β€žMy name is Vincent, but you can call me β€šVinβ€˜ so you save a centβ€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marvinmadafaka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The abominable snowman....

The abominable snowman gets called all sorts of names, yeti doesn't seem to mind.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
In Australia they prank call old people and just say OK boomer and hang up. It’s getting so popular it has a name…

Boomer rang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
1 boy was named trouble and the other was called shutup. One day trouble got lost so shutup went to the police station and said β€˜I lost my brother’. The police said β€˜what is your name’ β€˜shutup’ the police said β€˜what did you say to me’ β€˜shutup’. The police said β€˜are you looking for trouble’ β€˜yep’
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meme-for-me
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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5YO: "Dad, I'm hungry AND DON'T SAY HI HUNGRY I'M DAD"

Me: "wow ... that's a very long name, hungryAndDon'tSayHiHungryI'mDad"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of women named Kara standing in a row?

Caroline!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falconman478
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What Do You Call A Communist Potatoe Named Richard

A Dick Tater...

I'll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameForTheLurking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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