I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, βIs it to scale?β I replied, βNoβ¦β
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
My son asked me, βDad, what are condoms used for?β
I said, βUsually to avoid answering questions like this one.β
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
π︎ 654
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
π︎ 376
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
π︎ 198
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
π︎ 60
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
π︎ 258
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. Heβs doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
My son wrote s symphony about not caring if your car's tire has no air...
It's written in the key of B flat.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him itβs Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied βpapa dumbβ
π︎ 43
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
My son asked me if the Fibonacci sequence was difficult to understand.
I said, βNo, itβs as easy as 1,1,2,3.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.
Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
I had to reprimand my son for cutting up his dumplings at the Chinese restaurant last night.
I can't condone such wonton acts of destruction.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
My son asked: βDad, have you seen my sunglasses?β
I replied: βNo son, but have you seen my dad glasses?β
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?
Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.
I've never been so proud
π︎ 186
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
My son wanted jellyfish for his sea turtle.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
I told my son a joke and afterwards he asked me where i came up with it
π︎ 55
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
My son told me, βDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.β
I said, βThatβs Heinz sight for you.β
π︎ 451
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
My son was telling me that he has just failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...
"Itβs cutting hedge technology!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
My son recently came out as pi...
I donβt get it... I didnβt raise him to be so irrational.
π︎ 91
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
my transgender son wanted to start on T....
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, βTwo guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.β I asked. βWhat did they look like?β He replied...
βFifty dollar bills.β
π︎ 57
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!
Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!
π︎ 42
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?
Because it'll be sadder day.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My wife said the βEβ was missing from my sons alphabet set.
I replied, βNo way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!β
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
Son: Dad, can you see if my turn signals are working?
Dad: YES... no...YES...no...YES...no...
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
My son wanted to become a plumber
However his plans were nothing more than a pipe dream.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I used to love fishing with my son...
Oh well!! I guess I have to find something else to use as bait now.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
My friend has 2 sons, Amal and Juan..
But she only has a photo of one of them in her purse
Because if youβve seen Juan, youβve seen Amal
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
When we came home from the hospital with our newborn son, my wife asked if the house was baby proof.
I told her I thought the baby was the proof himself.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
I learnt cuss words from my uncle's son
π︎ 28
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Texted my son, "Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer!"
"Becausethereisnospacebar!"
π︎ 32
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
Proud of my son coming up with this joke.. Doctor: donβt eat too many apples...
Otherwise you will turn into an Iron man
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
I'm preparing to teach my son the alphabet.
π︎ 137
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
My wife is really mad at me for throwing a snowball at my son.
On top of it, Iβm banned permanently from the maternity ward.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
My sonβs learning about Buddhism in school, so when heβs around I make Nirvana jokes
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
My son asked me for something hard to write on
I don't know why he got so mad, sand is pretty hard to write on
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
My son Luke loves that we named him after a Star Wars character.
My daughter Chewbacca not so much
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
