My ship was sailing North but then it suddenly veered West and hit another ship...

It was an occident, I swear!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gssn-nospace
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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A pirate walks in a bar with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch

The bar tender says โ€œwow howโ€™d you get that peg leg?โ€ The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean offโ€ next the bartender asks โ€œand the hook? Howโ€™d you get that?โ€ The pirate responds โ€œwell we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean offโ€ the bartender then asks, โ€œok so what about the eyepatch??โ€ The pirate responds โ€œI was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eyeโ€ the bartender is a bit confused and says โ€œthat made you lose your eye?โ€ โ€œNoโ€ says the pirate โ€œit was my first day with the hook!โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/commonwealthcowboy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasnโ€™t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, โ€œone ship off the port side!โ€ Immediately the captain yells at his crew, โ€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!โ€

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they donโ€™t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, โ€œTwo ships off the port side!โ€ Quickly the captain screams, โ€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!โ€ The crew doesnโ€™t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, โ€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?โ€

The captain replies, โ€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like Iโ€™m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.โ€

The men canโ€™t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, โ€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!โ€

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, โ€œMen, bring me my brown pants.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RecTym
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...

They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.

However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.

The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.

As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...

"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"

[This is probably my worst joke yet]

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wolfyfancylads
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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The story of Captain Bravado

A long time ago, a pirate, named Captain Bravado, was sailing the sea with his fellow pirate friends.

One day, as he was sailing the sea, an enemy ship approched. His crew was really nervous.

He said: "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first man who heard the order got him his red shirt. They went to war and killed all the enemy pirates. That night, his crew asked why he wanted a red shirt.

He said: "If I had been hit during the fight, you wouldn't have seen my blood."

All his men were looking at him with admiration. The next day, at dawn, 10 ships approched Captain Bravado's vessel. His men were horrified. They were waiting for his order.

He said: "Bring me my brown pants !"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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