My Father, My Son Puns

Because am transparent

You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.

I replied, "Hey, there is a Son Day every week!"

"You know, if they had a bunch of different fruits from around the universe and made it into a jam they would call it a Space Jam."

I'm so damn proud of him.

Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"

I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...

(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)

EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:

1. Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)

2. My son is 10 years old and still living at home

3. We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table

You can either be a Quaker, or a Quacker.

so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"

And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

But I'm a grandfather.

I said "Thanks! I couldn't have done it without you!"

That he woke screaming two hours before his normal wakeup time, and has resisted all attempts to take his morning nap.

Joke's on you, Dad!

on any unexpected car ride

Me: "Dad, where are we going?"

Dad: "Crazy. Want to come along?" looks over and laughs manically.

Me: "UUUUGGGGHHH

8yo: "Dad! I've got a joke I think you'll like. It's about bikes."
Me: "Yeah? What is it?"
8yo: "What kind of moustache does a bike grow?"
Me: "I don't know."
8yo: "A handlebar!"

I'm very proud.

My in-laws were over and playing with my son. My father-in-law put a small bucket on his head like a hat.

He looked at my son and asked, "Does this hat make me look pail?"

I asked what my sister was listening to, she says "LeAnn Rimes" and I says "with what?"

Of course as children do, my brother touched the glass of the fireplace and burnt his hand.

When questioned why he wasn't watching my brother my father responded:

"I was watching. First he lifted his hand. Then he placed it on the glass. Then he begun to cry. I saw it all"

Son: (says word that sounds an awful lot like f*ck, but it's garbled so it's hard to understand)

Me: What did you just say?

Son: (repeats garbled word)

Me: Where did you hear that word?

Son: My mouth! points to mouth

He said: I would like to celebrate my birthday this February, but unfortunately I can't.

Because I was born in January!

...when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him that they were stored in my dadabase.…