My American Uncle Puns

Ardently

Right, so I was in the US to visit my American family in Florida, and my uncle comes up pretty much randomly as we were sunbathing at the pool, and he says: “I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She's a real mathamachicken!”

I bursted out laughing and couldn’t stop for another while

My uncle posted a status that his wife finally got granted citizenship:

Uncle: Today, Mrs. [wife] is an American citizen! She is now legally allowed to waste food, hate foreigners and accept Jesus as lord and savior

Dad: And bear arms... can't forget that part.

Uncle: She doesn't have bear arms... she shaves.

(No offense intended)

My wife asked me to make our child a PB&J sammich for his lunch.
I told her that my native american relative tought me how to make the perfect PB&J.
She asked which one? And I said:
Uncle Rusty Bull.
From the Smuckers tribe.

I'm a deaf man and I communicate via a combination of American Sign Language and English spoken language. My niece and I were sitting at a restaurant enjoying ourselves when she looks at me and signs, "I'm so glad I know sign language. It's really handy!"

I actually facepalmed on this one for the second time when it came up in my newsfeed yesterday. I'm such a proud uncle.