The lumberjack loved his computer so much.

He especially liked logging in.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My son told me he loved my cooking very much.

I asked if he'd vote for me if I ran for gour-mayor of our town.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day

β€œReally?” the coworker asks. β€œWhat showed you she really loved you?”

β€œShe was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. β€œLike when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, β€˜My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad loved telling the same jokes over and over, one of his favourites was: What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea? He drowned in his tee pee
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Davidiamdavid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I love her so much
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlzzCn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do horses love unicorns so much?

Because they’re always horny!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:

Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?

Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?

oh wait.........

Credit goes to Matt from Studio C

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lickedy_Split_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If you love Christmas so much...

Why don’t you merry it?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koukasen_np
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a song about how much I love seesaws.

It’s called 50 Ways to Love your Lever.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
These kitties love puns almost as much as napping, and the rise of the proletariat.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-NarWallace-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I love taking pictures of my son, so much most people call me

his personal 'Papa'razzi.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/8Dinglehopper8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Gandhi's Mum: How much do you Love me

Gandhi: From the bottom of Mahatma

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kat_nu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why I love bad puns so much.

It’s just how eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do ghosts love to eat health food so much?

Because it's super natural

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
This isn’t mine and I don’t know who made it, but it’s been on my phone for so many years and I haven’t seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkRune23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do nurses love red crayons so much?

Because sometimes they have to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution...

The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Germans love beer so much?

Because it’s Ale Mania!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unityforall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was telling my architect friends how much I love M.C. Escher.

They all gave me some weird stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Just wanted to say how much I love telling dad jokes

Unfortunately though he never laughs

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DieserBene
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Not my joke but I love this too much not to share

Shout out to anyone who doesn't know what the opposite of in is

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAS-games
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
when you love poems but you dont have much time
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weakshiv
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I love my local team so much I hang from the ceiling and spin around.

I'm a big fan.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Miles went on a Europe trip after his graduation.

He loved the culture so much he changed his name to Kilometres.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 473
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend loves sheep so much he decided to propose!

"Will ewe marry me?" Said he.

"Baaah!" Replied she.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I just told my best mate how much I love Beyonce.

She said 'whatever floats your boat'. So I said no, that's buoyancy.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Searleyjosh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
In spite of all our disagreements on Reddit, I’m glad about one thing.

Every one reading this is on the same page.

Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
As much as I love Netflix, when I look at the presidents, I don't think orange is the new black.
πŸ‘︎ 603
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunter_Penguin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do teenagers love meat so much?

Because meat is Protein...I...I should go

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/irieball
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know how much I love onions?

Shallot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarsRoadster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife doesn't talk too much, but she LOVES to chat, so I'm joining a support group for compulsive talkers:

On-And-On Anon

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: I very much love my arms. Do u know why?

Me: Why? Dad: Because I'm very attached to them.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scofield504
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I love Gordon Ramsey, but not this much
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donieguy
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Lily's fatal Greek mythology school play.

Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.

.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherTausil
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
It's no wonder women love chocolate so much. Their pronouns give it away.

Her/she

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does everyone love birds so much?

Because they're impeckable

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RAWR_XD42069
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law knows how much I love puns, so he gave me this game for Christmas
πŸ‘︎ 333
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend loves fancy cheese so much it's almost religious.

You might say she has a personal relationship with cheeses.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfDa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why I love bad puns so much...

It’s just how eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstein656
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why i loves bad puns so much.

It’s just how eye roll i guess

πŸ‘︎ 208
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttholepretzel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If you love Christmas so much then...

why don't you MERRY it!?!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gasoline-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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