MotherFatherSon Puns

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

"Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

a sister becomes sister in law, a father becomes father in law, a mother becomes mother in law, a daughter and son becomes son and daughter in law, .

But, what does wife become?

Wife becomes the law.

Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cuase I still have mine!"

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”

Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps the son. He then sais “Okay, okay. We were watching porn”

Dad said “What?! At your age I didn’t know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says “Wow. He certainly is your son.”

The robot slaps the mother.

Here's a joke my dad told me. Sorry if you've heard it, but I found it hilarious, and I think you might enjoy it.

In a small town in the suburbs, there was a small family of balloons. There was a mummy balloon, a daddy balloon, and a small child balloon. Every night the boy would sleep between his parents, but his father had had enough.

"son, I know you love sleeping between us, but you're getting a bit too old for it., " the father said. "You're nearly 8, you're a big boy, and your mother and I think you should sleep in your own bed from now on. You can stay tonight but starting tomorrow we want you in your own bed. Do you understand?"

"Yeah dad, I understand..." the boy said with a maudlin tinge to his voice.

"okay son, I love you."

"love you too dad"

The next night the boy tried sleeping in his own bed, but there was a storm outside. It was a dark, ominous storm - the kind of storm that sounds like a cataclysm for the end of the world.

The boy was scared, so he went to sleep in his parents room. However when he tried to squeeze between them, he found he didn't fit. He felt defeated. He felt scared. He felt alone.

But then an idea struck him. He decided he'd just let a little bit of air out of his father. He tried to squeeze in again, but had no such luck. So he let a little bit of air out of his mother. He tried again. Still no luck. Finally, he decided to let some air out of himself. Success! He squeezed in tightly and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning his parents were furious. His father was feeling particularly angry, and screamed at his son.

"son, I told you not to sleep in our room. I told you to sleep in your own bed! Didn't I say that Hun?"

"yes dear," the mother said, feeling slightly deflated.

"so son, what do you have to say for yourself?" the father asked in anger.

"it was dark and stormy and..." the boy tried to spit out.

"I don't care son!" the father interrupted. "you can't keep doing this! I'm very disappointed. You've let me down, you've let me down, but worst of all..."

Mother: "I'm afraid our son has decided to take up acting."

Father: "What's so bad about that?"

Mother: "Well, he's gotten so big that whenever he appears in a play, he crashes right through the floor."

Father: "Don't worry about it. It's just a stage he's going through..."

My dad: So there's this family of moles, who live underground of course. The mother mole comes out of their hole and says, "Oh, it smells like syrup out here." Then the father mole comes out behind her and says, "I think it smells like honey." Then their son comes out behind both of them, but he couldn't fit out of the hole, and he says, "Well to me it smells like molasses!"

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”

Son: “Yeah.”

Detector: “Beep.“

Son: “OK, OK, I was in a cinema.”

Detector: “Beep.”

Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”

Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“

Detector: “Beep.”

Mother laughs: “Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son!”

Detector: “Beep.”

Sitting around the dinner table with my parents, my wife, and my 8 month old son. As Mom cleaned up the leftovers, my Father asked her how much meatloaf was left, to which she responded "none of it". Dad quickly quipped "Nunavut? That's in Canada." Mother rolled her eyes as dad continued, "I've never been there though..." I didn't waste my opportunity: "How much of it have you seen, Dad?" He too quickly replied "None of it" realizing his folly as the last word escaped his lips. He looked down and tried to swallow his smile, which only made us both explode with laughter. My mother couldn't have been more ashamed. I'm still chuckling.....

A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.

Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon."

A nearby mother was very impressed with the father's self control, and wanted to express her gratitude for such calm parenting. "Sir, I'm amazed that you are able to be so calm! It's not every day I see such patient and gracious parenting. Now little guy, what seems to be the problem, Donald?"

"Oh no, ma'am, you're mistaken!" The father interjected, "This is my son, Henry. I'm Donald!"

^(Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! Thank you for all you do.)

My Father is currently on vacation with my Mother in Vietnam and everyday he sends photo trip reports.

Today he emailed me and sent the following.

Countryside on way to My Son Sanctuary.

My Son is thick in the middle of the jungle.

To which I replied back.

"No I'm not, I'm at work."

"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:

• A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"

• When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.

• A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"

• A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"

• A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."

• A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"

• A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"

• A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'

• An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."

• A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"

• A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"

You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y

My son was talking to my father in law when they yell "we are getting hit by mokitos!" (Mosquitos)

I yelled back "mojitos? Where!!?!"

My wife tells "we got mojitos up in here"

And my mother in law, not joking, says. "I hear they can carry limes disease"

So I went to my parents place for dinner yesterday and my sister was feeling the after effects of a kegger she went to the day before with some friends. She was talking about how her friends younger siblings and their teenage friends were there as well, describing it as a "Joint party" between the siblings. To which my dad replies "Joint party? I thought you said it was a kegger"

My mother shook her head in disgust, my sister shook her head in shame, but my father and I shared a good chuckle, I am definitely my fathers son.

and do you know who the first person mentioned in the bible to not have a father or mother was? it was joshua, because he was the son of nun.

So a little boy goes to the Zoo with his mom. They go to the elephant enclosure and the little boy points to the elephant and says "Mom, What's that thing hanging down?" The mom looks and says "Well honey that's his tail." The boy says "No, the other thing.." Mom replies "Well that's his trunk." The boy gets exasperated and says no the thing between the elephant's back legs." The mother get embarrassed and says " oh that...well that's nothing" A little later the boy returns with his father. He turns to his dad and asks "Hey dad, what is that big thing hanging down between the elephant's legs? Mom said it was nothing." The dad smiles and says "Well son, that's because your mom has been spoiled."

I overheard a mother asking her son why he had to style his hair now. Father looks up from his phone and exclaims "well, we are at the hairport"