So there I was this morning, sitting and drinking coffee in my slippers, and I thought to myself..
I should start cleaning a few mugs around here..
π︎ 865
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︎ Jun 26 2022
How did the Jewish man make his coffee in the morning?
π︎ 16
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︎ Aug 15 2022
I'm old. I grind my coffee every morning.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 07 2022
Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning.
π︎ 51
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︎ May 28 2022
Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door this morning. I invited them in asked if the wanted something to drink and eat, both said yes. After finishing their Coffee and Cake I said " so what would you like to talk about?"
They said "We don't know we've never got this far".
π︎ 90
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︎ Jun 07 2022
How does Moses get his coffee in the morning?
π︎ 24
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︎ Jun 18 2022
In a house full of caffeine addicts, I found our coffee maker broken this morningβ¦
and now thereβs trouble brewing.
π︎ 61
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︎ May 07 2022
Did you know the Bible dictates that the man should always make the morning coffee?
Yep! It says it right here, Hebrews.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Oct 22 2021
Where do eggs enjoy their morning coffee?
π︎ 623
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︎ Dec 28 2021
Drinking coffee in the morning increases your chance of going to the bathroom....
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 30 2022
I ordered my coffee this morning without a lid.
I told the barista that I have an open carry permit.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 22 2022
There were a bunch of coffee grounds in my coffee this morning.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 12 2022
How did the Israeli make his morning coffee?
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 20 2022
I got coffee for all the higher ups at my company this morning
Because Iβm a bit of a chai hard
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 12 2022
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.
Apparently, he had been mugged.
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 16 2021
I was having an argument with my wife about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, βYOU should do it because YOU get up first and then we won't have to wait as long to get our coffee.β
I went full sexist pig, βYOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.β
She replied coldly, βNo, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.β
I guffawed, βI canβt believe that, show me!β
So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, βHEBREWS!β
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Feb 22 2018
I was pouring morning coffee from our bodem and my wife noticed I poured mine first and asked why
I told her this way, she wonβt have any grounds for divorce.
Now give me my 7 upvotes
π︎ 94
π
︎ May 03 2020
My mom tries to wake me up in the morning with coffee, but honestly...
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 01 2021
Instead of water, I accidentally put RedBull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning.
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
My favorite part of the morning is the sound of pouring coffee into my metal thermos
Itβs the little tings in life, ya know?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Almost got arrested for pouring myself a coffee this morning.
π︎ 19
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︎ May 24 2020
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.
I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
π︎ 16
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︎ May 20 2020
I love making coffee every morning
Itβs always grounds for a good time
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 31 2020
My roommate accidentally spilled his coffee grinds this morning...
I told him he was grounded
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
What did the croissant say to the coffee in the morning?
You're just not my cup of tea.
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jun 05 2016
I put a hole in my coffee cup this morning
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 26 2019
I like to have a little mid-morning coffee at work...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 09 2019
My wife used the wrong beans when she made my coffee this morning.
I maintain that's grounds for divorce.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 19 2018
[laywer joke] Worried about my court case, I forgot to use a coffee filter this morning!
After it brewed, the coffee had too many grounds to appeal...
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 10 2019
In a christian marriage, is the wife or husband supposed to make the coffee in the morning?
According to the bible, "Hebrews"
π︎ 21
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︎ Jul 28 2018
A lot of people were laughing at the coffee shop this morning.
It was quite a brew ha ha.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 26 2017
When I got ready to make the coffee this morning, I asked my wife if she wanted some -
I told her that I didn't want a brewhaha.
She laughed, so I guess I got one anyway.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 02 2018
The Bible answers the question of whether the man or the woman should make the coffee in the morning.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 05 2018
How does coffee help you in the morning?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 27 2018
Drinking my coffee this morning was like making love on a canoe
It's fucking close to water.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 22 2017
My dad dropped this one liner on me this morning after drinking coffee that my mom had made.
"this coffee is full of grounds... grounds for divorce"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 04 2014
Got dadjoked by my roommate this morning while getting coffee
We went to a bagel and coffeeshop this morning for breakfast. As we were fixing our coffee, two coffee workers began arguing over thrown out bagels.
My roommate looked at me and said, "looks like there's some bagel drama brewing." I told him he will make a great dad some day.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 18 2014
Making coffee this morning...
I asked my dad if the coffee was ground. He replied, "It should be ground- it was mud this morning!"
Good one, old man.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 28 2013
There I was this morning, sitting drinking coffee in my slippers, and I thought to myself..
I really need to wash some cups around here..
π︎ 43
π
︎ Aug 28 2022
There I was this morning, sitting and drinking my coffee in my slippers
When I thought to myself, I really need to clean some mugs
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 25 2022
There I was this morning, sitting and drinking coffee in my slippers, I thought to myself...
I really need to clean some mugs
π︎ 143
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs.
π︎ 120
π
︎ Sep 30 2019
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myselfβ¦
I really need to wash out the mugs...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
How does Moses make his morning Coffee?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 07 2019
I went into the kitchen this morning and said to the wife, "Is that coffee I smell?"
She said, "It is and you do."
π︎ 114
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︎ Jun 16 2017
According to the Bible, who makes the coffee in the morning?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 06 2017
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