Mom (season 5) Puns

My mom was watching this show called "Parenthood." It's about a family from grandparents to grandchildren. In one scene in Season 3 there's a scene where the grandpa lands a role in a commercial, and the entire family laughs when he tells them it's an erectile dysfunction commercial. One of the grandkids, not knowing what ED is, asks "What's 'ereptile' dysfunction?" So naturally I turn to my mom and say "It's when your snake doesn't work."

My mom got mad for some reason.

Yesterday started a new motocross season for my nephew, so for his inaugural race a bunch of family went to watch him. I'm an amateur/hobbyist photographer so I brought my telephoto zoom lens out and my Canon body to get a few shots of him on the track. The assembled camera is about 18 inches in length. After putting it together:

Mom (first seeing it): Holy crap! That thing looks like a damn cannon!

Me: (pointing to the label) You sure know your cameras, it is a Canon!

Typical dad joke responses ensued.

I finished Season 4 of Breaking Bad last night and I texted my mom (who's seen the whole show) telling her about what I thought of it.

I said, "Yeah, Gus's death was pretty much the most disturbing thing I've ever seen on TV (alongside a certain Game of Thrones scene, but she doesn't watch that...)."

She replied, "Yeah, that whole finale was pretty mind-blowing."

Mom's boyfriend: "Do you mind if we watch this?"

Mom: "What is it?"

BF: "Season two of Homeland recap, Homeland: Debrief."

Mom: "Sure."

BF: "Sounds like what I do before each shower... debrief."

Sighs from around the room with a faint chuckle

Dad:I can't wait for hunting season. Mom: You never shoot anything, I don't get you. Dad:Its just nice being outside and sometimes I look through the scope and almost pull the trigger. Mom:Of course you do honey you're such a cute wuss sometimes. Dad:Good thing for you I am Mom:Why'd you say that honey? Dad: Sometimes you're very deer to me sweetheart

I sat down to watch TV with my parents and they decided to play Master Chef. I'm familiar with the show, but haven't seen any of this season. I'm sitting there, complimenting the fantastic weight loss of Graham, one of the judges, when my dad goes:

"Yeah, you know, last year he was going by the name kiloGraham, but now he just goes by Graham!"

I laughed, my mom groaned, and the cleverness of the joke, (which is far from usual), was enjoyed by all. :)

When I was a baby, my Mom gave me some cider to drink during the holiday season. After doing this she was told that giving a baby cider that wasn't pasteurized could be dangerous. Panicking she called my Grandfather:

Mom: Dad how do I know if the cider is pasteurized?

Grandfather: Ok hold up the bottle of cider.

Mom: Holds up bottle of cider in front of face

Grandfather: Well it's "past your eyes" now!