Mission Accomplished Puns

But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha

Because he's playing chicken with China, the Chinese chicken.

...she told me that we didn't have a color we needed.

So this morning I said "I had a dream last night that I found that color for you, but when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination."

Got a groan from her, mission accomplished.

Of course they do. How else would they listen to the radio?

(Actual question and answer with my daughter earlier this week. I got the eye roll. Mission accomplished.)

Im sitting in my bedroom just surfing while my wife give my girls a shower in the master bathroom.

So shower's over and Avery was whining that she was cold. After a long day of swimming, that whining turned into a temper tantrum. IM COLD!! IM REALLY COLD!!! over and over.

Calmly, I say, "Ave", she sobs "what", I say "IM REALLY DADDY, ITS NICE TO MEET YOU"

BOOM!! full blown screams and cries. Mission accomplished.

Her: "Ugh. 50 Cent?"

Me: "What? No, I'd be '2-Change.'"

She just walked away without saying anything after that. Mission accomplished.

Today was my youngest son's 18 month checkup and when the doctor came in the first thing he said was "please excuse my voice, I'm a little hoarse". Without hesitation I said "you don't look like one".

He just looked at me for a second and then laughed. My wife hid her face in her hands. Mission accomplished. If only my son were old enough to know what happened.

I work as a server at a large chain restaurant (Applebee's), and got an old man at one of my tables tonight.

Old guy: I'll take a salad, Caesar.

Me: You can just call me Jeff

He grinned for about 10 seconds before chuckling, and I even got his wife and granddaughter laughing with it. Mission accomplished.

First text from Dad:

"Son, I'd like to make three points."

After about 5 minutes of waiting nervously to hear what I did wrong I receive this text:

"..."

Followed by, "Hope you're having a good Wednesday son :)" His mission was accomplished.

While out walking with the family we saw a bench with a dedication plaque. It read "In Memory of Helen, she walked these meadows with joy". Of course I had no choice but to remark "Why didn't Joy get a bench too?"

Cue involuntary snort of laughter from the wife. Mission accomplished.

My daughter tells me after putting in the cupcakes we're making. I entered 5:26

Daughter is looking at me weird, I say get it? Daughter groans... Mission accomplished.

Ahsoka

Kids were rolling after that one - Dad-Joke Sense of Humor Generation v2 - Mission Accomplished

A few days ago, I was headed home after dinner with my parents and I was sitting shotgun while my dad was driving. We are coming up to a yellow light at Dublin St. and my dad slams on the breaks to avoid running a red light. I go "Dad you should have floored it, we almost made it through Ireland." I got a fist bump from my ol' man and groan from my mother. Mission accomplished.

It's cloudy with no rain today, and when I got to the lab in the basement, here's what happened.

Receptionist: Has the sun come out yet today?

Me: No, not yet. But I did see an old bomber and two fighters for the D-Day anniversary.

Nurse passing by: Where were they?

Me: In the sky, where else?

*cue laughter and one "he sure got you good" from the receptionists*

Mission accomplished.

...and I was quizzing her before her social studies test. "What was the major language group spoken in our region?" "Siouan." "They must've been great lawyers." "What?" "They're Siouan that guy; they're Siouan this guy..." "groan" Mission accomplished! :D

The other night we were out to dinner. I picked up my silverware and told my daughter, "you know, I used to play the spoons in the forkestra, but I wasn't very good, so I got cut." She laughed, wife rolled her eyes, mission accomplished.

My daughter was trying to explain "fandoms" to her little brother at the breakfast table this morning. Daughter: "A community of people who are fans of the same thing and talk about it online can make up a fandom." Me: "My favorite is the fandom of the opera." Everyone at the table groaned loudly. Dad joke mission accomplished.