Milton Jones - "My other grandfather died after falling in a bowl of fruit cake mix, sounds unlikely but you see..."

"...under the surface are very strong currants."

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dghughes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Why was John Milton banned from the casino?

Every time he came in, there was a pair of dice lost.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GTBartleBee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Milton Berle Vs. Statler & Waldorf

I really miss those two . Stomach really hurting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGfx3QAV64M

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lio24ca
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2015
🚨︎ report
One day, I was at the park wondering why frisbees got bigger

And then it hit me

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notterrence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Nearly all the funniest jokes at Edinburgh Fringe is dad jokes

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

  • "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
  • "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
  • "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
  • "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
  • "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
  • "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
  • "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
  • "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
  • "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather got very ill, so we tried rubbing lard on his back

He went downhill very quickly after that.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigglywigdig26
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
🚨︎ report
I wanted to study Rocket Trajectories at University...

But I had to change course at the last minute

(With apologies to the excellent https://twitter.com/themiltonjones from whom I stole it)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProffalken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.