As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.
I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.
If i break my arm in a dream and go to the medic, what does the medic put in my arm?
My job is to deliver medication to chickens and cows etc...
I got a fake medical ID made to get the COVID vaccine, but I was rejected
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
Diabetes medication has a profit margin close to 1000%
Now that's just Insul(t)in'
I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
I was prescribed medication but couldn't take it. It was impossible to get that damn lid off...
You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.
I didn't mean to take too much of my anxiety medication
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.
He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated
They called it "Snitches get stitches"
What do you call a medical operation to see inside an ocean?
A biop-sea.
(Thought this one up while waiting for my biopsy)
I need a suggestion of a good medical sitcom to binge on Netflix....
But I don’t want no Scrubs
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
Tesla just started production of medical gear to support hospital workers...
The Elon Mask is their first product.
My girlfriend thought it would be funny to replace my medicated shampoo with regular shampoo. I tried to understand why it was funny, but
the joke just left me scratching my head.
We were about to witness our first autopsy in medical school. My friend said, “What do you think it’ll be like?”
I said, “Remains to be seen.”
What medical condition were pirates prone to?
The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget
So they had to cut coroners.
what's the official medical term for a woman-to-man sex change operation?
I never park my car in the shade due to a little known medical condition.
I spent the last two hours trying to get the lid off my medication.
At 2:00PM a NASA scientist passes out....
After he is revived the medics find out the last time he ate was at breakfast. They determine that he had a "failure to lunch."
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
What did the police say when they finally caught up to the corrupt medical examiner?
Stop! We have you coroner’ed!
The nurse called me and said, “Under ‘medical history’, we were hoping for something specific to you...”
You wrote down “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”
What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:
I left home for medical school down in the caribbean. My dad said if I ever get lonely, I'll always have someone to talk to on the island, and he gave me this.
Just to be clear, I use acne medication.
My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.
A story of my friend Al
While on vacation to a Caribbean island, he was Tropic Al
As a master gardener, he is Botanic Al
When the people need a doctor, he is Medic Al
When he tells clever jokes, he’s Comic Al
He can look two ways at once as Bidirection Al
That little paper mask they ask you to wear at the Medical Clinic is called...
My dad went out to pick up my hemorrhoid medication yesterday
When he came back, he put it on the table and texted me, "Your meds are here. I hope it rectifies your problem."
In my mission to promote medical marijuana amongst marine birds,
I shall leave no tern unstoned.
A man tries to buy medical marijuana.
He tells the clerk, "I need cannabis."
The clerk asks, "How many cans do you need?"
Someone asked me today if I was ordained
To which I told them I worked in healthcare. When they looked confused by my response I explained that I know how to a minister medication.
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
To the person who stole my antidepression medication
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