As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.

I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rgapinski
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If i break my arm in a dream and go to the medic, what does the medic put in my arm?

A Dreamcast.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unknow0059
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
🚨︎ report
My job is to deliver medication to chickens and cows etc...

I'm a farm assist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carts614
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a fake medical ID made to get the COVID vaccine, but I was rejected

It was worth a shot.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inTRONet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.

He waited patiently.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noqms
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Diabetes medication has a profit margin close to 1000%

Now that's just Insul(t)in'

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.

That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed medication but couldn't take it. It was impossible to get that damn lid off...

You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't mean to take too much of my anxiety medication

It was Xanax-ident

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.

She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, β€œwhere do I drop it off?”

She says, β€œGo in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -β€œ

β€œDon’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”

... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorhckmn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.

Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated

They called it "Snitches get stitches"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherHoboBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a medical operation to see inside an ocean?

A biop-sea. (Thought this one up while waiting for my biopsy)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a suggestion of a good medical sitcom to binge on Netflix....

But I don’t want no Scrubs

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrypticPragmatist
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hood-30535
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Tesla just started production of medical gear to support hospital workers...

The Elon Mask is their first product.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend thought it would be funny to replace my medicated shampoo with regular shampoo. I tried to understand why it was funny, but

the joke just left me scratching my head.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We were about to witness our first autopsy in medical school. My friend said, β€œWhat do you think it’ll be like?”

I said, β€œRemains to be seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What medical condition were pirates prone to?

Restless peg syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget

So they had to cut coroners.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
what's the official medical term for a woman-to-man sex change operation?

Attachadictomy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I never park my car in the shade due to a little known medical condition.

Park in sun disease.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I spent the last two hours trying to get the lid off my medication.

It's called Tryopenin

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
At 2:00PM a NASA scientist passes out....

After he is revived the medics find out the last time he ate was at breakfast. They determine that he had a "failure to lunch."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FelixTheCrazy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.

She said she didn't remember.

I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!

She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.

Totally worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the police say when they finally caught up to the corrupt medical examiner?

Stop! We have you coroner’ed!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodzest
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The nurse called me and said, β€œUnder β€˜medical history’, we were hoping for something specific to you...”

You wrote down β€œFleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?

Anty Depressants.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? " reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Picard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I left home for medical school down in the caribbean. My dad said if I ever get lonely, I'll always have someone to talk to on the island, and he gave me this.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clancy1001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Just to be clear, I use acne medication.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.

I wasn't surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManxLynx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A story of my friend Al

While on vacation to a Caribbean island, he was Tropic Al

As a master gardener, he is Botanic Al

When the people need a doctor, he is Medic Al

When he tells clever jokes, he’s Comic Al

He can look two ways at once as Bidirection Al

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
That little paper mask they ask you to wear at the Medical Clinic is called...

A Coughy Filter!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad went out to pick up my hemorrhoid medication yesterday

When he came back, he put it on the table and texted me, "Your meds are here. I hope it rectifies your problem."

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorDash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
🚨︎ report
In my mission to promote medical marijuana amongst marine birds,

I shall leave no tern unstoned.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pedantichrist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
🚨︎ report
A man tries to buy medical marijuana.

He tells the clerk, "I need cannabis."

The clerk asks, "How many cans do you need?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me today if I was ordained

To which I told them I worked in healthcare. When they looked confused by my response I explained that I know how to a minister medication.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountChappy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...

TRYOPENIN

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my antidepression medication

I hope you're happy now.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisFhey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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