Mealie bread Puns

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

I recently started on a ketogenic(ish) diet. Fooling your brain that mashed cauliflower is the same thing as potato is one thing—but the thing I was most worried about was bread. I fucking love bread, and every gluten-free bread I've tried before has been disappointments, so I will happily admit that I had a lot of preconceived notions about "alt" breads in general.

I couldn't dig up much info on the three brands I could find in Hamilton, other than a rather brief article on The Spinoff about gluten-free breads in general... So I did what any sane person would do and buy one of each, to see which one I like the best. I hope this is helpful to all three of you reading.

Per gram, Vogel's were the cheapest (this was a surprise to me) at 1.50¢/g, while Dovedale worked out to around 1.67¢/g, and Home St 2.33¢/g. In terms of carbs, Vogel's and Dovedale both clock in at around 1.2g per slice, while Home St clocks in at well under half a gram of carbs. These are all acceptable values for a meal of one or two slices, but most people probably shouldn't exceed that in one day for the first two brands. All are gluten and dairy free, and Home St and Dovedale are soy free; however, Dovedale is the only one that doesn't contain eggs (and therefore is vegan.)

https://preview.redd.it/uboagk488h181.jpg?width=4624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a399706b11bb9a85d21567be45582f6da185b814

Also to note is that Vogel's comes in a resealable pack, while the other two need to be moved to a ziplock bag.

I tried all three in four different ways to see which I liked the best:

1. As is at room temperature fresh out of the package,
2. Dry toasted on both sides (as you would get out of a toaster),
3. Buttered then toasted on one side in a pan, and
4. Toasted on one side in extra-virgin olive oil, with avocado, cracked pepper, and sea salt.

Dovedale, High St, Vogel's (L-R)

Okay, so let's start with Dovedale:

• On its own, the first thing it hits you with is the earthy taste of psyllium husk and linseed, coupled with a robust tartness that's not unlike a sourdough bread. Unfortunately, I found the grainy and fibrous texture to be a bit off-putting, and while it had a nice chew, it didn't have the softness that I was looking for, and I found it left a little bit of a gooey film in the mouth, like you might get with some animal fats.
• Toasting

Do your worst!

It really does, I swear!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

They’re on standbi

Buenosdillas

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

People who don’t eat bread crust are society’s weakest links.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

People who don’t eat bread crust are society’s weakest links.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

People who don’t eat bread crust are society’s weakest links.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

People who don’t eat bread crust are society’s weakest links, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory. This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink. C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

There hasn't been a post all year!