People always ask me why I made a hip hop album about yogurt.

I tell them that I did it for the culture.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Got the girlfriend while she was showing me family photo albums

Her: (While pointing to one of her cousins) "She had an unplanned pregnancy at a young age, but that's her fiancΓ©, they've been together for a long time now."

Me: "Well it's nice to see he's still in the picture."

Not even a groan, just silence and an eye roll

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HEHHHHHHHH
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
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My friend asked me if I had any albums of prominent female singers from the 60's

I said yes, but I wouldn't Cher.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riptide747
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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I asked my daughter to help me because I'm having trouble downloading the Titanic soundtrack album onto my phone...

It just keeps syncing...

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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Someone told me to throw away all of my Meatloaf albums.

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalkingDown46
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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Apple just gave me the new U2 album

It was pro-Bono.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kupy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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Dad asked me about the new Taylor Swift album...

Dad: "Have you heard the new Taylor Swift album?"

Me: "1989? Yeah."

Dad: "Oh no, it was much more recent than that."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeycookie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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My wife yelled up the stairs at me "Can you bring me .... nevermind"

... so I sent my niece downstairs with the Nirvana album.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuckinMoran
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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I've been torturing my daughter with jokes for weeks now

http://imgur.com/a/3XNNs

Got some of them from here

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffevans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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Me to Girlfriend: I luv u. Girlfriend: I luv u2

Me to Girlfriend: What’s your favorite album of theirs?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tylerpants80
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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My ex just told me that I had issues

Of course I do, it's one of KoRn's best albums

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rotten_Penguin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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I'm starting a band named You're Dad To Me

The first album will be This is How You Get Amps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nfreni
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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I've never been a huge fan of the Beatles album Revolver

But I gave it another shot and it blew me away

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hechtic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Niece: Lorde just dropped a new album

Me: I hope it wasn't a 78. Those things really shatter.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAlongPonds
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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Got my sister a gift...

I bought my sister a copy of the album "Plans" by Death Cab For Cutie for her birthday.

She asked what I had gotten her, and all I said was, "Don't worry, I've got 'Plans' for you!"

I literally told her what her gift was and she had no idea! Except when I finally gave it to her, she got the joke and punched me. :(

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirFwissel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2016
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Can't believe he stole my gate...

Got my whole Tafe class with this, thanks to a good setup from a mate. He says: I can't believe that guy stole your gate! The class: what the hell? Me: yeah, I was watering my front lawn, and this bloke walks up to my gate, looks at me, picks my gate up off its hinges and walked off with it! The class: what??? You didn't say anything?!! Me: no, I didn't want him to take a-fence... The class: laughs and groans of disappointment as they realize they fell for it.

πŸ‘︎ 951
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fondles_McGraw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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I've been torturing my daughter, vol. 4

The fourth album is often the best.

Credit to the original submitters. Thanks for keeping me funny, dads.

EDIT: Black Sabbath, Paranoid, Master of Reality

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffevans
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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My dads recent play on words

Me (Lexi): I’m so excited with these wedding photos. I can’t wait to start on making an album for them,

Dad (Alan): You can’t do that. It would have to be a Lexibum. You’re name isn’t Al.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexisjoann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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Got my wife good with this one.

Driving in the car on the way to the mall while listening to The Weeknd's new album when I turn and say:

Oh, I did a little research and discovered where he was born.

Her: Really? Where?

Me: A little place called Frisatsun.

Her: Where is that?

Me: it's on the weekend!

She punched me immediately.

*Edited for formatting

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Dad joked my professor, got threatened with a 3 page essay

Some background, I'm taking Listening to Jazz this semester to fill my arts credit. Last week the professor talked about musicians Miles Davis and John Coltrane, and their albums Kind of Blue and A Love Supreme.

During class he was trying to explain to us what the difference between different kinds of jazz were. So he pulled all the students wearing blue and asked each student he pulled to describe their shade of blue. I was picked and when it was my turn, I just looked at him and said "My shirt looks... Kind of Blue" referencing a Miles Davis' album. My professor double face palmed and was so disgusted by me I almost felt bad for laughing. He threatened to give me a 3 page essay on why that was the worst answer I could've given.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatmanstan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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