Martin 4 0 4 Puns

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

...are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They’re the Tolkien white guys.

*Sent to my by a co-worker

So this needs a little backstory.

About 10 years ago my wife and I went to see the comedian Jim Gaffigan in Santa Rosa, CA where we live. About 2/3 the way through his set, he did an old Steve Martin bit. I leaned over to my wife and said quietly (or so I thought,) "Steve Martin called, he wants his bit back."

Apparently Mr. Gaffigan heard me, because he did the last 1/3 of his set staring at his shoes.

Flash forward to last night. We were at a public event with TONS of people, loud music, dancing, whatever. Some guy walked by wearing an outrageously funny outfit, and I leaned very close to my wife's ear to make a comment about it. She mildly upset and said, "Don't do a Jim Gaffigan," she said.

I blinked and leaned in again and said, clearly: "You mean...Don't make a Jim Gaffe Again?"

GRR MARTIN!

Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.

Kid: O yea I know him! He said “I have a dream”

Dad: yes, “I have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.”

Actual conversation last night

An ass-ton martin

I though that was a fair trade.

(Borrowed from Demetri Martin)

Dr Martin Loofah King, Jr.

Rick y Martin. The show is always living de vida loca.

Margaret Atwood. Did you expect George Arr Arr Martin?

So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.

Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niño, el niño, el niño

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niño, el niño, el niño

Weather patterns don’t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm

The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niño, el niño, el niño

After a barbeque we're in the car, my dad, my mother and I. My dad is very drunk and annoying my mother, who's driving. My mother: Martin, shut up, you're getting on my tits now. Dad: Maybe I wanna get on your tits.

He said, "that's because the director was Martin Scor-soso"

Martin Van Bureau

So I was watching this video with my girlfriend when Maisie Williams says that Arya was written left-handed.

So I turn to my girlfriend and say "wow, George R.R. Martin is making it awful difficult on himself writing Arya with his left hand."

Happy Martin Luther King Day, Junior!

Landlord: Yeah, he's Indonesian.

Me: That's cool, I'm more IndoJapanese.

(whoosh)

Landlord: Do you know why he named his son 'Timmy'?

Me: No, why?

Landlord: He said he had a dream.

Me: Then he should have named him Martin.

Landlord: Why are you laughing like that?

Dr. Leo Martin: "I just want some peace and quiet!"

Bob: "Okay, i'll be quiet."

Sigmund "Siggy": "And i'll be peace!"

Siggy is going to be a great dad some day.

I loved that Dean Martin Christmas Record.

So now when people ask to see my new vehicle, I can tell them about my S10 Martin.

So the other day I tried to start a conversation with my dad by saying, "I had a dream...," before I could get any further he responded, "So did Martin Luther King and look where it got him."