Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.

That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I met a drag queen from the Greater Manchester area

He had a Wigan address

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joefife
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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What is the opposite of Manchester United?

It's not Manchester City or Liverpool. . . . . . . . . . Ans: Woman breasts are Divided

PS. Thought of it as a kid. Very high probability that other people have also thought of this. Cracked this in front of a friend who asked me to post here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DelhiUnderbelly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Manchester, everyone.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RS6MrROBOT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Courtesy of Transport for Greater Manchester. May require minor football knowledge..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchipelagoMind
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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From the radio traffic report: 'A lorry carrying ladders has crashed on the M6 motorway just south of manchester, and the cargo has spilled onto the road ....

The police say they're taking steps to remove them.'

Can't beat a good police dadjoke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/8979323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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People were offended when I told them a joke about oil.

They did not like my crude humor. I'll have to refine it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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British police confirm that an entire northern town has gone missing

unfortunately, they have no Leeds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demon969
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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Dad mind fucks me from across town.

I was at a met station waiting for a met yesterday to go see my dad and this old man came up to me tapped me on the shoulder and said

"Don't turn around. We know who you are and we have come to help."

"Help with what?"

"You'll know soon but it's OK we are on your side"

He then walked off the met stop on the phone as if he wasn't even waiting for a met.


So it fucking turned out right my dad knows this fucking guy from working on the taxis and the guy text my dad to say he had seen me. My dad tells this guy to fucking follow me onto the met stop and play out this fucking routine.

^^^Edit:Fuck

My dads a dick...


Brit glossary:

Met = Metrolink -http://www.metrolink.co.uk/Pages/default.aspx - Overground rail travel. (Tram)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordsmish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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I got so excited for spring...

I wet my plants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theFaceFacer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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