I guess I like the comic releaf.
meme
This morning there were two, I was quite conflicted. it was a real paradux.
... because no pun in ten did.
“Well, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are, and those who are not, my uncle.”
Jk Rowling
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
Father and son project; painting a bicycle I recently salvaged. It was my first time using spray paint...
Dad: Make sure you shake that can before spraying it on there.
Me: How long do I shake it for?
Dad: Until the marble dissolves.
After 15 minutes and a sore arm I started asking questions...
- What's a dentist's favorite time? Tooth-hurty!
- How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
- I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
- The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. Wow, it was tense!
- All my lamps are gone... and I couldn't be more de-lighted!
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- Chemists give the best advice, they've got all the solutions.
- A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
- Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
- I had to make these bad science jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Did any of them make you laugh? Don't tell me no pun in ten did!
I guess you had to pee there.
No pun in ten did.
Because I don't understand their Tsarcasm
Person is having a coughing fit...cough cough hack cough cough.
Me: "maybe you shouldn't drink so much...(pause)...coughee.
(Hilarity ensues, at least for me.)
Alas, no pun in ten did.
When I was about 5/6 I was filling out one of those "FunFax" books (Image for reference).
I started filling out the page about me and I got to the section on allergies. Unaware that I had any, I asked my dad "Do I have any allergies?"
My Dad replied "Yeah, soap"
Obviously at the age of 5/6 I didn't realise he was joking, we found the book a few years later to find I actually wrote "Soap" down.
As toddlers/youngins whenever we'd fall down and start to cry, my dad would be like "OHMYGOSH HOLYCRAP oh NOOO!! The floor!!!? Did you hurt the floor???" And we'd be shocked into forgetting we'd just fallen (and gotten scared-hurt)
It was hilarious seeing younger siblings do this- to go from traumatized and in desperate pain to stunned in about half a second... guppy faces and wide eyes like- 'oh no! I'm not the victim here at all, am I?' Maybe you'd have to see it to understand. Surprisingly, it really did make everything stop hurting.
Me: How'd you sleep? Mom: With my eyes closed!
I also like, "Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a few mistakes."
Well, I think they're funny..
They have ten tickles!
Me, 8 or 9, with pop driving down the road.
Pass a sign.
Dad goes "Hey, stop!" and grabs my head with one hand, holding it still.
Uh, what are you doing?
That sign said "Stop ahead!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/dad-joke-dog
I know memes probably aren't liked here, but this is great.
My dad conversing with my mother...
Dad: I hate wearing these stupid socks with all the holes in them.
Mom: Then why would you pick those socks?
Dad: I have to wear my "holy" socks to church.
Flash flood warnings
Dad: I'm going to stop by that trail we saw earlier. It was definitely a beaver dam. I have a feeling that entire section of the path will be underwater.
Me: Oh :( you think the the beavers will be alright?
Dad: I don't think they give a dam.
Me: hahaha
No pun in ten did.
