Look at this meme I dug up.
Where can you look up information about all your favourite DJs?
The key to being somebody that people look up to is...
My son was drawing a picture. When they finished, he held it up so I could admire his art. "How does it look?", he asked.
"It looks kinda sketchy to me"
One of the most difficult words to look up in the dictionary is impost.
It’s usually…next to impossible.
My Latina wife said I was “muy perezoso”. I said “what the hell does that even mean??” She told me to look it up.
I have 2 dogs, named Milo and Otis. I called for Milo to give him his medicine...Otis showed up trying his best to look like Milo...
Otis was trying to be an imPAWSter 😎
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
In the interests of self care, and to promote healthier lifestyle choices for myself now that I'm single, each morning when I get up, I look myself in the mirror, and say the three little words I always used to say to my wife
I tried to look up an image of someone looking through papers
https://preview.redd.it/raude1b7hw491.png?width=1667&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=db2677738e29ce5ae5e3e889286d7f7c9c777d50
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters
All they had was 13,749 matches
I used solid gold tacks when putting up a poster to make it look classy!
Unfortunately it ended up looking very tacky instead.
How does a baby look something up?
They "Goo Goo" it.
[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]
To all those watching "Don't look up"
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
Where can you look up all important informations about the russian revolution?
You ever have one of those arguments with your wife and when you look it up you were right the while time?
Growing up, my dad always had a mustache. I took a photo of me with one and sent it to him. “We look so alike but it doesn’t suit me, but it suited you.”
Having a mustache is something you have to stick with. It grows on you… ;)
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
Do you ever look up at a flock of geese flying in formation and notice one side is longer than the other? Do you know why?
Bcz there's more geese on that side
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...
... because I'm a smart a**
I can't come up with a witty title and I don't wanna ruin the joke, so just look at the goddamned picture
I didn't even look up from my desk.
Dropped this on a co-worker just now.
Them: ".. yeah and why do we even have to pay for air at the gas stations, we never used to."
Me: Well it's due to inflation.
I am confident I've seen this joke on reddit before, just happy I was able to execute it as good as possible. I got tingly when the conversation was heading this way and she dropped the perfect setup line. Grateful I've seen it before, pass it on and use it wisely.
My friend cuts up his Indian bread to look like coins.
That's a bunch of naan cents.
The sun is hot, and bright... I look up to the sun. :)
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?
My 5 yr old girl told her first dad joke today: "Dad look what happened to my tooth!" Smiles and has a disgusting mouthfull of crunched up nachos.
"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
I randomly place these around my work place. If you’re having a bad day, look up at what I drew for you. No, they’re not my original thoughts, but it makes work a better place.
Where should you look up 80s white guy rappers?
Why does Mario not look things up online?
Because he hates BrOWSERs.
I miss my SO a lot. I end up kissing and hugging thin air and she says it makes me look ridiculous. How do I recalibrate my aim? (r/fifthworldproblems)
reddit.com/r/fifthworldpr…
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
When discussing my history of eye inflammation at the optometrist, I was advised to look up information on conjunctivitis.com.
It's a site for sore eyes.
Where can you look up the definitions of drug abuse, alcoholism, and problem gambling?
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says "look at THIS clown over here!"
I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face through the whole thing.
My buddy rode up to me on his new bicycle. He says "look what I got for my wife".....
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. If you don't get it look up "panda" in the dictionary ...
"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."
Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:
"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"
There was a prison break and saw a midget climb up the fence and give me a nasty look
And I thought to myself “that was a little condescending”
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters
all they had was 15,809 matches
Wife : "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment to cheer me up"
"You have perfect eyesight"
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