Little My Puns

Now I'm thinking, "Do dwarves put on clothes differently to the rest of us. "

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

Is it normal for the left one to be bigger than the other two?

Turns out identity theft is a crime.

Because it was a chili dog.

And I told him, "well grow up, then you can be a month!"

Whoopsie-daisy

Man I’m glad that’s out of the whey.

Nish Inquisition.

Tell me why

But they have their toots in common.

"Honey, it’s the little things that count!"

He said "No, it's eye-itating."

Why could the little pony not talk...?

Because he was a little hoarse...

...but they found me in the ICU.

He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"

It's because all his grades where under da c

I said, “Actually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”

When we were Christmas shopping for our kids, we went to target. After walking around for a while I got bored and eventually found a bouncy ball. It was a small inflatable basketball about tennis ball sized and being inflated instead of solid rubber, it made a louder noise when it hit the ground.

We were walking around and I was bouncing the ball. My wife got visibly irritated at the constant noise following her around and told me to please put it down. I bounced it again and said "I'm trying, but every time I do, it comes back up into my hand"

Que the groan.

... They thought it was more of a "roughie"

I just wanted a little vaca.

I call it cubist art.

The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"

Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.

The plumber told me.

Best trade I ever made

So I turned to my wife and asked, who gave her the handburger? 🍔

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

She said it was a waist of time.

"Yes." she replied.

"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"

She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

So I removed the whole mirror.

I haven’t looked back since.

And I think it's poor for four.

It's one part rum, three parts pum.

(A favorite of mine from Tim Seidell)

Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.

Wife: What are you thinking?

Me: Business casual.

.... Pelvis Presley

"Don't mind if I Zoo."

She just gave me a glare and went back to what she was doing.

Totally worth it.

Now it’s an isotop.

...putting words in my mouth

I told them she was lack-toast intolerant.

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

... Re Post-it Notes.

They're fairyfocals.