Lists of hospitals Puns

A patient came into the hospital today, and had filled out an online form. He wasn't able to find his regular GP on the system, so he picked a random one near the top of the list, Dr. Bird.

His wife asked "Who is Dr. Bird?" and the guy replied "I dunno, some quack"

The the whole family (my mom, dad, and two sisters) are sitting in the living room and my mom asked me to pick up some ingredients from the grocery store. She starts listing them out loud, "I'll need heavy cream, eggs, milk-"

At which point I interrupt to ask what size eggs she needs (i.e. AA etc.) and she responds "It doesn't matter just make sure they're large - oh and cage free"

My dad immediately came back, "Cage-fee? What are you worried about - that the cake will get away?"

My dad immediately does his troll grin and my mother looks at him with a years practiced look of "how did you ever trick me into marrying you"

Naturally this was followed by my nine year old sisters falling apart into giggles, and eventually me too. My mother looks at us like she's thinking to herself "They must have switched all three of my babies at the hospital" before looking up at the ceiling and saying, "I guess I'll write a list..."

My wife and I just went from the bottom of the adoption waiting list to having a baby of our own on 20 hours notice. We're standing by his basinet in the hospital.

She asks me "Is this really happening?"

"A-parent-ly!"