List of onomatopoeias Puns

I asked my doctor "is that bad?"

He said "it's exactly how it sounds like"

"Quack," it responded and jumped away.

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

ANNforgivable, ANNother One, bANNed, ANNdroid, ANNticlimactic, ANNbelievable, ANNemployment, ANNcharted, ANNgry, ANNlucky, ANNseen, ANNalyze, ANNadvised, ANNafraid, ANNaided, ANNapologetic, United NatANNs, AmericANN, CanadiANN, IndiANN, JamaicANN, BritANN, JapANN, AsiANN, HumANN, ANNoying, DirectANN, ProductANN, DestructANN, RegeneratANN, AcceleratANN, AbsorptANN, AccommodatANN, AccumulatANN ActANN, additANN, SubscriptANN, SubtractANN, MultiplicatANN, DivisANN, EducatANN, AssumptANN, AppreciatANN, ANNything.

Onomatopoeia who you ask?

Please open the door, onomatopoeia my pants!

Now what’s left is Yellow Pages

It was the list I could do

What do you call bees that make milk?

Boo-bees

What do you call a beehive with no exit?

Un-bee-leavable

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

Doctor: It’s exactly what it sounds like.

I’m 6ft 2” how big are the others?

Now I can't read anything.

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

That was the punchline

1. alright
2. alright
3. alright
4. alright
5. alright
6. alright
7. alright
8. alright
9. alright
10. absoutely briliant

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

handshakes

But Patrick is the star.

He said no.

Poetry.

Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

A barberqueue

Curiosity killed the cat :(

I know he means well.

Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

A skele-ton!

He’s assembling his cabinet.

..... oof !!

K9P

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

..a duel meaning.

I said "Yes, dad. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong".

He then asked me if I had heard of Coles Law

"No, dad. What is that one"?

He says, "thinly sliced cabbage".

..why would I want two empty glasses..!?

Now I can't read anything .

Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like.