Achievement unlocked - Received a handmade "Book o' dad jokes" for this father's day!

My kid surprised me today with a handmade book with dad jokes. Each joke had an associated graphic too as a bonus! I'm so happy I wanted to share the joy with you guys.

These are the 26 jokes (some I've learned from here, but a few of them I've never heard):

  1. I'm afraid for the calendar, its days are numbered.

  2. My wide said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That's a big step forward!

  3. What do a tick and the Eiffel tower have in common? They're both Paris sites.

  4. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.

  5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says - I'll have a beer and a mop please.

  6. Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.

  7. I don't trust trees, they're too shady.

  8. I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.

  9. Did you hear the rumour about the butter? I did, but I'm not going to spread it!

  10. Why couldn't the bicycle stand by itself? Because it was two-tired.

  11. Why did Billy get fired from the banana packaging factory? He kept trowing away the bent ones.

  12. Why was math so sad? Because of all its problems.

  13. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

  14. A guy walks into a bar and got disqualified from the limbo contest.

  15. Have you ever try to catch fog? I did once, but I mist.

  16. Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because it was outstanding in its field.

  17. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.

  18. I Was going to tell you guys a joke about time travel, but you guys didn't like it.

  19. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

  20. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.

  21. Mountains aren't just funny, they're hill areas.

  22. Why are piggy banks so wise? Because they're filled with common cents.

  23. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.

  24. You know, people say they pick their noses, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

  25. What did zero said to eight? That belt looks great on you.

  26. To whoever stole my Microsoft office, I will find you. You have my word.

I hope you find a few new ones too in this list.

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👤︎ u/thinkB4Uclick
đź“…︎ Jun 20 2022
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"I Lost My Job" Puns

My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!

  1. I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
  2. I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
  3. I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
  4. I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
  5. I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
  6. I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
  7. I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
  8. I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
  9. I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
  10. I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
  11. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
  12. I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
  13. I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
  14. I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
  15. I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
  16. I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
  17. I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
  18. I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
  19. I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
  20. I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
  21. I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
  22. I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
  23. I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
  24. I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
  25. I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
  26. I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
  27. I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
  28. I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
  29. I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
  30. I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
  31. I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
  32. I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
  33. I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/dleishman
đź“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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