I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.

She thinks that I'm a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elasmotheriums
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?

Commander in Chiefs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I drove by an award winning cow today.

It was outstanding in it's field.

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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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Why did the ghost soccer team win all their games?

They were amazing at possessing the ball.

*My son's joke. I'm so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 721
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticTrek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My fantasy football team always wins...

Why would anyone fantasize a losing team?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mazzack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife has just left me because of my obsession with football...

Shame really, we've only been married for 2 seasons.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...

Always trying to get the symphony vote.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T33NW01F
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I got assaulted by a group of mimes.

It was horrific. They did unspeakable things.

πŸ‘︎ 486
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...

I think his plans are Nerfarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"

"A person always wins!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
It's a bit embarrassing to admit on here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street Mimes..

..and they did some unspeakable things to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts

They have a lot of spirit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonotoneYay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...

But no pun in ten did.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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What do you call the christian version of the A-Team?

The A-Men

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scatman_24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?

Go for the juggler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The funniest guy on the football team

The punter..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Free-Author
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Landon Calrissian win the Millennium Falcon while playing Wheel of Fortune?

He had the Bespin.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What will you call a football club of Chickens?

KFC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbsxact7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Mate died today by falling into a vat of coffee!

Luckily it was instant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-am-Just-Sam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been dating a girl who is captain of her soccer team

She's a keeper

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?

Attract her.

πŸ‘︎ 215
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digiBeLow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.

I call it the flip charts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do soccer referees never fold in poker?

Because they always call the flop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sabrina-Hummus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"

The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."

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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
There once was a large group of people that were fascinated by statistics.

The group ended when they proved to be too mean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the name of farm owned by a vegan lesbian couple?

meatless farm

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farzammmmm
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Bruce Lee get scared by his cousin from Sudan? Because cousin SudanLee appeared out of nowhere.
πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/osksama1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the team that lost in tug of war?

They couldn't pull it together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iceberger3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
The act of christening a ship by breaking a bottle of champagne against it should be called 'Shiptoasting'.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarelyEfficient
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I can tie my shoe laces just by using the power of my mind.

I bet you don't believe me...

I thought knot.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course.

It’s very souperficial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.

Global chaos ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleibanez801
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
By the end of today
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OptionalPlayer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If Pretoria had a football team
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zrussell197
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?

It was a ball hogger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants β€œWhy do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...

For a closet racist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report

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