Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir”?
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife”.
Waiter “Rare it is!”.
How do you get a farm girl to like you?
I certainly soap you like it.
Like you didn't see this coming!
I have a hunch you will like this joke
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
I know I have a terrible stutter, but I would like to introduce you to the lady who cuts my hair
This is Ba ba ba ba barber Anne.
Dune tell me you don't like this pun
What do you call an old-school linux user who also likes to go to clothing optional beaches?
Did you know that the people of Dubai do not like The Flinstones...
But the people of Abu Dhabi Do!
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
Wife: ...
I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?
If good;
The good news is there is no bad news.
If bad;
The bad news is there is no good news.
What do you call a guy who really likes deer?
these two wind turbines were standing in the field talking. one says to the other, "what kind of music do you like?" the reply...
Mom here but hope you like it. Why do skeletons stay calm?
Nothing gets under their skin
Waiter : "How would you like your steak cooked"?
Me : "Take a guess"
Waiter : "Medium rare"?
Me : "Well done"
Waiter : "umm, huh"???
Do you know what it sounds like when a whale cries?
Blubber, blubber, blubber, blubber!
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
What do you call someone who looks just like you on a passing train?
How do you get a farmer’s daughter to like you?
What do you call a woman that likes to have sex with homeless man?
When your friends know you love puns and send you things like this >>>>>>
I Was Told You Might Like My Valentines Day Cards ;)
I'd like to share a small victory with you all today
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
From my kids... Would you like a guide to falling down the stairs.
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 6
Step 9...
You know how Russia doesn’t like free speech.
They just won’t be Putin up with it!
Fred: “Someone said that you look like an owl?” Meg: “Who?”
Fred: “You sound like one, too.”
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins
They have no common cents
First octopus: “What do you like least about being an octopus?”
Second octopus: “Washing my hands before dinner”
How do you get a squirrel to like you ?
Why can’t you like an atom? ⚛️
Because they literally make-up everything.
Shout out to my 9yo daughter who came up with this banger all by herself. For the street cred, kid! Happy Friday all!
What do you call a stuffed toy pig when throw like a football?
Did you know frogs taste like beer?
What do you call it when you feel like your hearing the same song over and over again
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**
A string goes into a bar, the bartender asks: "Would you like a drink"?
String: "I'm a frayed knot."
Other people: "So you like ice puns?"
Have you ever thought about what the world would be like without noses?
Nobody nose.
Also my boyfriend came up with this and I feel like this is so good I need to go take a pregnancy test to see if he’s about to be a dad.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
Dad: "Would you like anything to eat for dinner?"
Son: "What are my choices?"
Dad: “Yes” or “no”
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
Two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other ‘what kind of music do you like?’
The other replies ‘Well, I’m a big metal fan.’
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
Did you know that the people in Dubai *really* don't like the Flintstones?
But those in Abu Dhabi do!
Two wind turbines stood in a field one wind turbine asks the other wind turbine "What type of music do you like?" The other wind turbine replies..
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