Teacher, leave them kids a loan
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︎ Dec 25 2022
My favorite Christmas joke: A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out and asked them to leave. βBut why?β they asked
βBecause if thereβs one thing I canβt stand, itβs chess nuts boasting in an open foyerβ
π︎ 278
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︎ Dec 24 2022
I've been trying to leave Rome for the past 3 weeks
All their roads have this weird design flaw.
π︎ 151
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︎ Dec 27 2022
I'm just Ghana leave this here
π︎ 259
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︎ Dec 12 2022
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop speaking in Star Wars quotes.
Divorce is strong with this one.
π︎ 4k
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︎ Sep 28 2022
My wife asked me to stop making Linkin Park refrences or she'll leave me.
But in the end it doesn't even matter.
π︎ 160
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︎ Nov 19 2022
I've decided it's time to leave the mirror maze.
π︎ 37
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︎ Dec 25 2022
A bouncer said to me, "I'm gonna need you to leave."
When I asked why, he said, "I have no idea who you are, and this is my trampoline."
π︎ 40
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︎ Dec 24 2022
Why did the bouncer ask the couple to leave?
Because they were on his trampoline
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 12 2022
What do you do when a banana tells you to leave their home?
π︎ 122
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︎ Oct 16 2022
Why did the wife leave her husband after he had his feet amputated?
Because she was lack-toes intolerant
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 18 2022
Why was Iron Man's suit excited to leave?
It was going on an Avenger.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 21 2022
why did the Asian chef leave when his frying pan broke?
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 18 2022
What did the yoga instructor say when she was asked to leave the bar?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 17 2022
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."
I replied, "That's 15 love."
π︎ 281
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︎ Sep 10 2022
Why do you always leave a Hanukkah party feeling full?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 19 2022
Visited North Korea over the summer, but had to leave one of my bags there.
On the bright side, that raised their GDP by 0.5%
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 11 2022
Why did the two lemurs leave the group?
Because they didn't see eye to aye-aye.
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 05 2022
My wife keeps telling me I leave the jar open.
I told her to put a lid on it.
π︎ 20
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︎ Oct 20 2022
My boss asked to leave enough empty lines in the letter just before the signature to type 800 number
I left 16 page-length space
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 30 2022
What did the dentist say to the tooth when he had to leave the room?
Iβll fill you in when I get back.
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 03 2022
why did the dog leave his family
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 14 2022
leave the door ajar
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 13 2022
Why did the ghost leave the Halloween party?
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 29 2022
Did you hear about the musician who didn't know when to leave a voicemail?
Critics say they were tone deaf.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 20 2022
Iβll just leave this here.
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 12 2022
What do you call it when you leave the toilet without wiping?
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 15 2022
Every single night my wife spends hours watching that damned tik-tok instead of talking to me. So much so that Iβm worried she wants to leave me.
It feels like itβs only a matter of time and itβs driving me cuckoo!
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 08 2022
Why did the ghost have to leave the Halloween party early?
He couldn't handle his boo's!
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 28 2022
My wife and kids are threatening to leave because of my obsession with horse-racing.
π︎ 178
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︎ Jul 05 2022
Heavy Doodie - don't leave home without 'em!
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 17 2022
My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop misquoting Arnie
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 29 2022
My wife said she'd leave me if I kept making Star Wars jokes
I said "May divorce be with you."
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 04 2022
Some one told me to leave my auto correct on
I told them to eat my ash
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 18 2022
My sister called panicking, asking me to leave work and come over because her husband was having a heart attack.
When I got there he was fine...the story was just A fib.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 13 2022
Hello, everyone. I'm going to do a quick test here. Can all the Michaels of r/dadjokes please leave a comment?
Thanks. That concludes the Mike check.
π︎ 314
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︎ Apr 20 2022
I keep telling my kids not to leave packs of toilet paper on the floor.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 10 2022
Why did Mrs. Claus finally leave Santa after all these years?
She found out about his other two hos.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 26 2022
Girlfriend told me to stop Rickrolling her or she would leave me
I said "Alright then, because I'm never gonna give you up"
π︎ 92
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︎ Jun 16 2022
Why did the fungi leave the crowded bar?
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 11 2022
Yoga instructors often wear out their welcome at parties. The hosts will ask them to finally leave but theyβre like..
π︎ 16
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︎ Aug 28 2022
Why did a customer leave the blockbuster store disappointed?
They were never going to give him Up.
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 31 2022
Why did the fungi leave a five star review at a hotel?
Because there was so mushroom
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 11 2022
Do you know Whatever Happens when you leave a duck flower out on a Lovely Day?
I know, I know! Its Bill Withers.
Interesting, this will happen even if there ain't no sunshine.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 12 2022
Planes usually have a place for people to leave their pets, however they have a separate room for farmers who bring roosters.
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 09 2022
I couldn't get my motorcycle to leave the house this morning.
I think it's because the motorcycle was two tired.
π︎ 22
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︎ Jul 27 2022
Two chess enthusiasts are sitting in a hotel lobby, discussing their recent tournament victories. The manager says, "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
"We have a strict policy against chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
π︎ 71
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︎ Dec 06 2022
What did the Yoga instructor say when his friend asked if he wanted to leave a party?
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 18 2022
My wife said, βI can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.
I replied, βThatβs 15 love.β
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jan 25 2022
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