Lean services Puns

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

Not saying the service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance and she leaned over and pushed me.

(No spoilers) For those who haven't seen it, In the new Hobbit movie there is a scene where Tauriel, the female elf helps revive one of the dwarves using some ancient elven magic. Cue my dad leaning over with a glint in his eye, and whispering "I've always been a big fan of the National Elf Service!". He's a doctor and finds these sorts of things hilarious.