Ladder (Go) Puns

THE STAIRS!

And I prefer the latter.

I prefer the ladder.

Because they keep going up.

Credit: my wife

He was going to high school.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.

"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.

"Thanks!" the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Father: "Ah, you want to go up in life."

Me: instantly thinks of this subreddit.

Kid- If i'm going to climb over a fence, we'll need a ladder

Dad- Are you sure we won't need the former?

The second woman looks to the first woman and asks what they should do?

"God will save us" she says.

The two women sit there for a while and watch the water continue to rise. Eventually a rescue team in a rubber dinghy turn up.

"Jump on" says the rescuer. The second woman quickly jumps into the dinghy. The first woman looks annoyed and states bluntly that "God will save me". The rescuer shakes his head and drives off.

A few hours go by and the rain begins falling harder and harder. The entire house aside from the roof is submerged.

She hears the sound of a helicopter before she sees it. The helicopter hovers above and throws down a rope ladder.

"Climb up!" Shouts the rescuer.

The woman shakes her head refusing to move "No, god will save me".

The rescuer shakes his head and the helicopter flies off.

Time passes by and the water is now up to the top of the roof. She hears an aeroplane swoop in low overhead, dropping life jackets along the street for anyone left behind.

"No" she shakes her head "God will save me!"

The inevitable happens and after she drowns the storms into heaven upset. "God! Why didn't you save me?"

He looks to her and rolls his eyes. "Well I sent a boat, a helicopter and a life jacket what else do you want me to do?"

They're about to sell the ladders. They always go high.

So my Pops asks if I could help him get the Christmas "stuff" down from the loft with him. We have a loft above the garage where we store seasonal decorations.

He'll go up in the loft and I'll stand on the middle of the ladder, where he hands me the plastic containers, which I'll place on the floor.

As soon as he gets up there I see that the most accessible and logical box to take down first is the one with the wrapping paper. I reach for it and he shoos me away coming up with an excuse to leave it up there for the time being.

Right then and there I knew exactly what he was doing and I couldn't stop it.

We get the absurd amount of containers down until there's only the one left. He hands it too me and says, "Whelp.. that about wraps it up. Haha."

It's not even that good and I knew it was coming for the whole half-hour, but never the less I rolled my eyes and gave him his moment of glory. He deserves it.

Me: I gotta take the ladder out of the bed of the truck so we can go get that couch for the lobby (he owns a business)

Him: Nah, just leave it in there, we could use a high chair.

So my co-worker and I were near the Ladders and Step Stools aisle and she asked me:

Co-Worker: Hey, could you take this box and put it on top of the shelf please?

Me: Sure but I'll need that ladder over there or a step stool. Preferably the latter since it's closer.

Then she goes and takes a ladder and brings it to me.

Co-Worker: Here ya go!

Me: That's not what I asked for.

Co-Worker: B.. But you said you wanted a ladder didn't you?

Me: Did I?

Co-Worker: You said you wanted the ladder because it was... Oh I see. Rolls eyes

So we were driving up the highway and an 18 wheeler with a trailer full of ladders drives past. She says I wonder where it's going. Without skipping a beat I retorted with "high places"

Groans ensued.

she was in her graphics class and her teacher, mr. sleight, walked by with a ladder. she asked him what he was doing and he replied "getting high."

she then texts me and complains about his incessant dadjoking. I tell her "darling, you're dating me. you're going to have to realize that dadjokes will not be only a sleight thing in your life."

she was disappointed.