Whenever the server asks my Grandpa how he wants his steak done, he holds his fork and knife up and says "just walk the cow on by!"
👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call knifes and forks that have been cut into pieces?

cutlery

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Tried to dad joke my husband, he one upped me

Eating dinner he dropped his fork and asked me to get another one to which I replied, "Fork you", without missing a beat he said, "knife one."

👍︎ 2k
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 09 2014
🚨︎ report
I made a silverware pun awhile back. Thought I'd share it.

Some guy waring silver drawers came up to me and told me to go fork myself. That wasn't very knife of him to say but spoon I shall get my revenge.

👍︎ 33
💬︎
👤︎ u/KissTDss
📅︎ Dec 02 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad, on utensils:

"Dad, neither of us are having anything that needs a knife. Why do you always grab one anyway?"

"A fork and a spoon just don't cut it."

👍︎ 1k
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Old joke, my daughter loved it.

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

👍︎ 240
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 22 2013
🚨︎ report
At the dinner table last night

Family: eating food

Brother and Sister arguing about who sits where

Me: Hey, both of you shut the fork up!

Dad looks at me proudly and smiles

Dad: Hey, that wasn't very knife

laughs and smiles at him

Me: What, too spoon?

mom just sighs and leaves the table and brother and sister stop the arguing

👍︎ 32
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Inappropriate?

I saw a friend of mine said, "You know my uncle Charlie? Well, he's in the hospital. Some dude robbed him and he got knifed!"

I said, "Damn! That's forking terrible!"

He said, "Hey! It's too spoon to say that!"

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/bluefoot55
📅︎ Jun 10 2011
🚨︎ report
My dad got me pretty good today

Today we were discussing using a fork and knife to eat food that usually don't require it.

Me: I have to have a fork and knife. I can't eat a chili dog using just my hands

Dad: me neither. I usually have to eat it with my mouth

Thanks dad.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Everyday my dad says this joke when we sit down at the table

Pass the Fork n' knife, and a fork please.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/Tofuprince
📅︎ Sep 23 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.