Knife and Fork Puns

cutlery

Eating dinner he dropped his fork and asked me to get another one to which I replied, "Fork you", without missing a beat he said, "knife one."

Some guy waring silver drawers came up to me and told me to go fork myself. That wasn't very knife of him to say but spoon I shall get my revenge.

"Dad, neither of us are having anything that needs a knife. Why do you always grab one anyway?"

"A fork and a spoon just don't cut it."

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

Family: eating food

Brother and Sister arguing about who sits where

Me: Hey, both of you shut the fork up!

Dad looks at me proudly and smiles

Dad: Hey, that wasn't very knife

laughs and smiles at him

Me: What, too spoon?

mom just sighs and leaves the table and brother and sister stop the arguing

I saw a friend of mine said, "You know my uncle Charlie? Well, he's in the hospital. Some dude robbed him and he got knifed!"

I said, "Damn! That's forking terrible!"

He said, "Hey! It's too spoon to say that!"

Today we were discussing using a fork and knife to eat food that usually don't require it.

Me: I have to have a fork and knife. I can't eat a chili dog using just my hands

Dad: me neither. I usually have to eat it with my mouth

Thanks dad.

Pass the Fork n' knife, and a fork please.